Don't Freak Out: The Calm before the Storm
by regenengel3
Summary: What happened between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones? To Rae, it's a vast gap in her knowledge and an adventure waiting to happen... sort of. "Okay, my life has officially entered the realm of weird." One-Shot series leading up to the Clone Wars.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

 **Chapter 1:** A Very Mayar Christmas

It was December 20th and Rae was at a loss. Christmas was five days away and yet... no-one seemed to realize it. "Christmas? What's that?" Dex asked her when she mentioned it. She gaped at the man, if a four armed alien could be called a man.

"What is... what is... ?! CHRISTMAS! IT'S CHRISTMAS! The biggest holiday of the season! Every entrepreneur's dream and nightmare rolled into one! Stores full to overflowing with people buying all sorts of things for the special people in their lives, housewives stocking up on ham and sweet potatoes and cheese! Soo~ much cheese. And pastry crust and mini-hotdogs and meatballs and chips and chocolate chips. All of this leading up to a family celebration around a large meal, or a table laden with finger foods, games, songs, stories, and the one thing that gets little kids so ramped up they can't sleep on the night of Christmas Eve... _presents!_ Gifts of all sizes and shapes and necessities ranging from socks and toothpaste to pet toys to flowers to little things you put on your mantel and allow to collect dust! Christmas! The holiday where we sing of the Risen King and the hope that he brings! _Christmas_!" Rae ranted, waving her arms around frantically, trying to convey the enormity of the holiday. Dex just shook his head, causing the young woman to practically deflate. "Well... what about Thanksgiving? You ever hear about Thanksgiving? In the fall?"

"Is it another Christmas?" Dex asked, uncomprehending. Rae fell back into an empty booth with a whimper, left arm falling dramatically over her eyes.

"Why~? Why did I have to end up where my most treasured holiday's don't even _exist?!_ " she moaned. Dex was amused, though it was hard to tell with his face.

"Well, what's to stop you from celebrating anyway?" he asked. Rae gave him an irritated glare.

"Anyone I'd want to celebrate it _with_ doesn't even know what the word _means!_ Do you know how irritatingly frustrating that is?!"

"Still... I'd say anyone you'd call family wouldn't object to a party," Dex said. Rae flopped her arm up over her head and pouted at her boss, a little amazed they had such a good working relationship.

"You have the superpower of making it _really hard_ to pout, ya know that?" she remarked. Dex shrugged, unrepentant, and the young woman sat up with a sigh. "Still, you're mostly right, as always. Padme wouldn't object to less formal settings... but what about Obi-Wan and Anakin? I mean, how do _Jedi_ celebrate? 'Oh, today was a good day. I think I shall meditate an extra ten minutes on how good today was,'" she said, speaking in a comical impression of a pious man. Dex chuckled. "Oh, or maybe, 'Peace and justice has been brought to the people of some planet, I shall do some extra sparring today in celebration.' Perhaps even, 'Well done, my Padawan, you have successfully managed to levitate a rock with The Force. Come, let us have some fruit to celebrate,'" Rae went on, causing Dex to move from chuckling to full on laughter. Rae smiled and climbed to her feet. "Right, well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to ask them," she remarked. Dex nodded and lumbered off while Rae finished her shift.

"Safe travels!" Dex called.

"Yes sir!" Rae replied with a smile as she danced out the door.

/*/

Padme was a bit surprised when she received notice that a special visitor was awaiting her in her chambers, but accepted it with all the poise of royalty. Her surprise only rose as she recognized the figure standing at her window, hands clasped behind a slim torso clad in a familiar dark green tunic. "Rae?" she asked. The young woman hummed.

"Your Majesty," she answered, not turning around, "I have a question for you."

"Then ask," Padme declared, curious.

"Have you heard of the holiday known as Christmas?" The queen tilted her head in confusion.

"No. Is it from your home?" she asked. Rae sighed, shoulders slumping slightly.

"Yes. A world wide holiday celebrated on the 25th of December without fail. Some make a bigger deal of the holiday than others, some celebrate it for different reasons, but just about everywhere, peoples' thoughts would turn to home, and to their fellow man, in joy and love. Wars were known to have paused, the soldiers crossing the battle lines to exchange makeshift gifts. One notably instance had soldiers exchanging empty shell casings and singing Christmas songs together for the night until the truce ended the next day," she explained, turning away from the window. "Would you like to hear why my family celebrated the 25th of December?"

"I would. Come, sit," Padme said, motioning toward the sofa. Rae smiled wearily at her and sat.

"In a small town, Nazareth, there lived a woman named Mary. In the sixth month of her cousin Elizabeth's pregnancy, the Archangel Gabriel appeared before her. He greeted her as favored and loved by God. She was afraid, wondering what manner of greeting this was. But the angel told her not to be afraid and that she had been chosen to bear the Son of God, who would save his people from their sin. Mary asked, 'how shall this be, since I have known no man?' And the angel explained that with God, all things were possible. And so, the virgin conceived. Joseph, who was engaged to be married to Mary, did not wish for dishonor to come to her, and had decided to divorce her quietly. An angel of the Lord came to Joseph in a dream, telling him not to be afraid to take Mary as his wife, for the child she bore was from the Lord. And so they were married. During the reign of King Herod in Israel, a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the Empire should be taxed and all the citizens went to their towns to register with the census. Joseph, being of the line of David, took his wife away to Bethlehem. Mary was heavy with child, and rode on the back of a donkey across the arid plains of Israel. When they reached Bethlehem, the inns were full. After much searching, they were shown to a stable and allowed to sleep in the hay. Mary gave birth to her son and called him Emmanuel meaning, God with Us, though he is also called Jesus, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger. Many miles away, likely several months previous, in a distant land there were three Wise Men who watched the stars. Not much is known about these three wise men, though there is a song called 'We Three Kings' that I believe is talking about them, but they traveled far to see Jesus. The child born King of the Jews," Rae told, with all the weight and importance of a well loved tradition, her eyes growing distant as though viewing past services. She shook her head. "But, the Three Kings, or Wise Men, are a story for another time. The baby, Jesus, King of the Jews, Son of God, is the main reason for the season... er... holiday. We celebrate his birth, the birth of our savior who died on a cross for our sins. He gave us hope for our lives and our souls. Granted, this may be some strange alternate reality where Christ doesn't exist. Still, it was among my favorite holidays," Rae finished. Padme was a bit entranced.

"It sounds like a wonderful holiday, Rae. I'm sorry we don't celebrate it like you do. Though... it does sound a lot like Life Day," she offered. Rae quirked an eyebrow, then shook her head.

"No, I'm not so sure it does, Padme. Well, the traditions of the tree and the decorations and the present might be, but the Story? The Greatest Story Ever Lived? No. I don't think so," she said. "I wish I had my bible, so I could be sure the details were correct. I'd love to read it to you, Anakin, and Obi-Wan... if you'd all agree to come over for Christmas that is."

"Well, even if you don't have the book, I wouldn't mind coming over," Padme offered. Rae grinned.

"Great! I'll take care of the food and Jedi, you take care of getting yourself there, okay? OH! And... is there... anything you want? Some item you'd like but haven't had the time to get?" she said, suddenly turning from chipper and excited to nervous and shy. Padme giggled at the sight, imagining the woman toeing the ground like a chastised child.

"Well, I would rather like having something to fiddle with during Senate meetings," she said slyly, "and it is rather difficult to find something small enough to smuggle in." Rae leapt to her feet and snapped off a salute with a smirk.

"Say no more, M'lady! I know just what to get," she told the Queen before she swept her a bow and headed for the door. "I'll be expecting you around one o'clock on Saturday! Call if something comes up!" she called back just before the door closed behind her. Padme chuckled again and turned to her duties, her mood significantly improved.

/*/

Rae stared at the massive structure of the Jedi Temple and felt _very_ small. Seeing a Jedi and her Padawan returning to the large marvel of engineering, Rae waved. "Hallo, Mistress Jedi!" she called, jogging over. The woman stopped and regarded the Human coming toward her with a pleasant kind of detachment.

"How might I help you?" she asked.

"Well, you see, I wanted to invite Obi-Wan Kenobi and his young charge to a celebration I'll be holding this Saturday, but the temple is..." Rae looked up at the pyramid and shuddered slightly, "daunting. Would it be possible for you to pass on my invitation?" she finished, holding out a note she had written, which included directions to her apartment as well as the time. The Jedi nodded with a distant smile and took the piece of paper. "My thanks, Mistress Jedi! I wish you well," Rae told her cheerily before dipping into a slight bow and turning on the ball of her foot to stride away. She just barely heard the Jedi tell her Padawan,

"Did you notice the way she moved? She is a trained fighter." Rae scoffed.

"Partially trained, Mistress Jedi, not deaf!" she called over her shoulder without pause, missing the startled jerk of the Jedi's spine, the sudden stiffening of her shoulders. There were more important things on Rae's mind than startled Jedi Masters and confused Padawans, things like where to buy a ham and how many different types of cookies she should make for her guests.

/*/

When Master Caelum delivered the note, she appeared to be somewhat rattled, Obi-Wan thought. "Master Caelum, what is the matter?" he asked.

"The young woman who passed me the invitation, Obi-Wan. She was... odd. A trained fighter who was daunted by the Temple, likely there for the first time. She heard me when I remarked upon the way that she turned, and told me she was 'partially trained, not deaf' _as she was walking away!_ " Obi-Wan quirked an eyebrow at the unusually ruffled Jedi.

"Let me guess: five ten, dark brown hair to her shoulders, blue-green eyes, green tunic, white utility belt, brown pants, and combat boots?" he asked. Caelum blinked, then nodded.

"Yes, with a pale complexion," she added.

"That would be Rae," Obi-Wan said, finally looking at the note. "Yes, she signed her name here," he said, holding the note out for his fellow Jedi to see. Caelum's face went a shade paler.

"You've been invited to celebrate with the woman who challenged Master Windu... and _won?!_ " she asked. Obi-Wan chuckled, tucking the piece of paper safely into his robes.

"She's quite an amazing life-form. I look forward to this Christmas she's hosting," he said. With a nod to the stunned woman outside his chambers, Obi-Wan closed the door and headed toward his young apprentice. "Deshi~! We're going over to Rae's on Saturday. Let's show her how far you've come since the last time we were there, yes?" Anakin hopped up for his meditation with a whoop and tugged his chuckling sensei toward the practice rooms.

/*/

Dex smiled as he listened to Rae's humming as she wiped down the tables, merrily dancing around the patrons. A few decorations had made their way into the diner and the smell of cookies was tantalizing. "What's cooking, Dex?" an old regular called.

"A beautiful little thing called Shortbread Cookies!" Rae answered instead, just as the time went off. "Oh! Dex! Could you pull that batch out please? I'll be there in a moment to prep the next one!"

"Yes ma'am," the large alien called cheerfully, already donning an oven mit and opening the oven. The smell intensified as he pulled the cookie sheet out and set it next to the cooling racks. Nodding to himself, he began to transfer the already cooled cookies to a presentation rack. Just as he was placing the last cookie, Rae breezed into the kitchen, deftly turning on the water and washing her hands before rolling out more balls of dough and pressing a cross-hatch pattern into them with a floured fork.

"Eleven more minutes," she muttered, sliding the sheets into the oven and bumping it closed.

"And you're sure we can't sell some of these?" Dex asked, eying the beautiful arrangement of crisp white cookies.

"Only if you'll let me cook more for my party using your oven!" Rae answered.

"Done!" Dex said, snapping out bags and sliding four cookies into each. A wire basket was pulled from somewhere, a '5 credits' sign was tacked on, and out went the cookies. Rae rolled her eyes and pulled the diner's whiteboard toward her. Uncapping the marker she said,

"That's not going to incite our customers to buy them, Dexter." A moment later, she put the sign out and placed the presentation rack beside it.

'Shortbread cookies, a seasonal treat baked in house with love and joy!

Two free with any purchase of six credits or more.

 _Ask about our special Gift option!_ '

Dex chuckled. "You do realize that means you're going to be baking a lot of cookies, right?" he asked. She shrugged.

"As long as I get a cut of the cookie profit, I'm good. And if you'll pay part of the cost for ingredients," she said. Dex laughed.

"Deal! Any other cookie recipes you'd like to try on our customers?" Rae hummed, tapping her chin and leaving a tiny grease spot.

"I might be able to do chocolate chip cookies. Too bad I don't remember the recipe for Welsh Cookies, they're cooked on an electric grittle and with your facilities, I could cook a good number of them at once." She shrugged. "Let's just stick with offering shortbread for now. I'll experiment with chocolate chip at my apartment and if I get it right, I'll make some fresh here. Deal?"

"Deal," Dex said with a nod. They shared a smile and Rae went back out to servicing the tables out front. The next time she came back, Dex activated the serving droid and pointed Rae toward the supplies she'd need for another batch of shortbread. "Five customers got cookies while you were out. We'll need more, and I want you to be the one answering questions about that 'gift option,'" he told her. She rolled her eyes, but got to work baking. By the end of the day, they'd sold almost two dozen gift bags of six cookies and given out another dozen and a half with meals. There were only two cookies left when they closed.

"To spreading a bit of extra cheer and a job well done," Rae said, holding out one of the last pair to Dex. The alien chuckled and took it.

"To my best decision since opening the restaurant," he said, saluting her with the cookie. Chuckling, they both bit into their treats, Rae's eyes fluttering closed with a soft moan of pleasure. Dex smiled once more as he watched the tension drain out of her shoulders. "Thank you, Rae. Take off, you've got a busy day tomorrow," he told her.

"Aye aye, El Capitan!" she said, snapping him a salute before gathering up her purse. "I'll be trying out those chocolate chip cookies tonight. Want me to bring you a sample of my endeavors in the morning?"

"I'd like that," Dex confirmed. "Stay safe out there."

"You know it!"

/*/

It was the morning of the 24th, and Rae's attempt at chocolate chip cookies had not gone as well as she had hoped. Still, she dutifully packed up a small sample of her efforts to take to Dex. As she was picking up her purse, she noticed something underneath it. 'Dear Rae, as a reward for managing to adapt to this world you've found yourself dropped into, as well as your good attitude and successfully bringing a bit of cheer and hope to the people in your life, I'm giving this back. You cannot post anything and all news from your old life cannot reach you, but beyond that all its functions are intact. The charger is in your room. Oh and, I gave it permanent access to the internet of your home dimension.

Merry Christmas,

The Writer.' Rae stared at the note for a minute before turning her attention back to the device her purse had hidden.

"My Ipad?" she whispered, reaching out a shaking hand. Sure enough, it was real. Deciding she could be late for once, Rae picked the device up and opened the case. With trembling fingers, she typed in her code and tapped on the bible app. The immortal words were there, stark white against black, just as she had left them. She hugged the Ipad to her and looked up.

"Thank you, Writer, for giving me this and thank you Lord, for giving me such a kind Writer!" she declared to the heavens before taking her Ipad, purse, and semi-failed cookies out the door and away to Dex's Diner.

"Someone's happy," Dex remarked. Rae laughed as she put do her purse and held out the cookies.

"The cookies weren't quite right but I have a way to find the recipe and so many others!" she cheered. Dex quirked an eyebrow and Rae held out the Ipad. "This... was a graduation gift from my grandmother," she said, the other eyebrow joining its mate as Dex processed what that meant.

"It's from your old home?" he asked. Rae nodded, eyes bright.

"The Writer, who pulled me from my home and put me on Queen Amidala's ship delivered this to me as a reward slash Christmas present! I can't contact anyone from my past life, but I can watch videos, search recipes, listen to music, and _read my bible!_ This," Rae said, holding up the Ipad once more, "is my treasure, Dex. And I'm going to use it for your diner. All the recipes of Earth are at my finger tips."

"Well, why don't you start with those Welsh cookies?" Dex prompted. Rae's eyes went bright and she feverishly typed away, trying to find the recipe she'd been craving.

"Aha! I need flour, sugar, nutmeg, cinnamon, baking soda, baking powder, eggs, milk, and margarine," she called. Dex nodded and pulled out the ingredients as she called them out. "Wow, you had all that? Cool," Rae said, eying the line up. "I'm also going to need a sifter, a pastry cutter, a large mixing bowl, a knife, a rolling pin, and a fairly large serial and floured area to roll the cookies out on. And a small to medium glass. Oh! Currents! I'll need a cup of currents too."

"Currents? I don't have those, but I know where you could buy some," Dex said, already moving.

"OI! I can't cook the full menu yet! I need the cook!" Rae called back.

"It's still early and the shop's not far. I'll be right back," Dex countered, already out the door. Rae sighed and shrugged, noticing that he'd pulled out the equipment while she was talking.

"Sneaky man," she muttered, slipping on an apron and preparing to sift the dry ingredients together. Just as she was done with everything but the currents and margarine, Dex returned with... "My currents!" Rae cheered, holding out be-floured hands for the little yellow-orange box. Dex chuckled and passed it over to the eager woman. "Thank you, Boss!" she cheered, opening the box. "You get the first one!"

"I'm honored," Dex said, preparing for the first order. Rae chuckled and mixed in the currents. Before she began cutting in the margarine, Rae turned to her Ipad and, with a few deft swipes and taps, had it playing music unlike anything Dex had heard before.

"It's the Jingle Bell Rock!" Rae sang along, swiftly chopping up the margarine in the dry mix. Dex watched carefully as she whisked the eggs and milk together with a fork.

"How many times have you done this?" he asked.

"On my own? This will be the second," Rae answered, testing the consistency of the dough. "Do I have a place to roll out my dough?"

"Here," Dex answered, sweeping a handful of flour over a clean counter.

"Thank you," Rae replied, rolling the rolling pin through the flour to coat its surface. Dex's attention to pulled away by the sound of a customer entering and Rae was left to her baking endeavors.

/*/

The Welsh Cookies were just as big a hit as her Shortbread and inquiries were made into what kind of options there were for the Gift mentioned on the sign by the cookies. Rae was a little surprised at the interest in her cookies. "One would think I was opening a bakery!" she remarked after the third inquiry.

"Are you?" another customer asked. Rae gaped at him, then turned to Dex.

"The breakfast menu could use expanding, and you _did_ want to learn how to cook," he said. Rae shook her head and smiled at the curious man.

"Not at the moment, but we shall be considering permanently expanding our menu. For now, these baked goods shall be a limited time offer," she answered. He nodded.

"Okay, but if all your treats are as good as these," he held up a shortbread cookie, "I'd buy from you." This sentiment was echoed through the diner and Rae felt her face grow hot.

"I'm glad you've all enjoyed my cookies," she said before ducking back into the kitchen as her timer went off. Dex met her back there a few moments later. "Hey boss, I'm gonna have to cut the diner off in a bit so I can have cookies for my guests," she told him.

"Once this batch is done you're free to cook for your party," he informed her. She grinned at him.

"Thanks, Boss. You're awesome," she told him. "I'll bring any left overs over for you on Sunday, alright?"

"Oh, you don't have to."

"Think of it as a 'thanks for everything' gift," Rae said.

"Oh, you're services as a pastry chef and bouncer are more than enough," Dex protested. Rae sighed.

"Well, alright. But if you change your mind, let me know, alright?" Dex chuckled.

"Yes ma'am," he told her.

/*/

Finally, the moment arrived. The gifts were wrapped, the table set, the music playing, the Ipad charging, and the ham was cooking. Rae eagerly bounced to answer the door and waved her only female friend in. "Come, come! I have tea and cookies on the card table and a nest prepared for unwrapping gifts and listening to The Christmas Story!" she said in welcome. Padme laughed and allowed herself to be swept up in her friend's exuberance.

"I brought you something as well," she began, drawing her bag around. Rae stopped her with a hand.

"Did you wrap it?" she asked. Padme shook her head and Rae clicked her tongue. "There's paper and tape in my room. Go wrap it!" she practically ordered, pointing down the hall. Padme smiled but bowed and moved off to wrap the gift she had brought. Rae allowed herself a giggle as she moved back into the kitchen to finish prepping the last few dishes. Soon, Padme was back and placing her gift, carefully addressed to Rae, with the rest of the gifts under what appeared to be a tree covered in paper snowflakes, gingerbread men, and popcorn strings with a large, slightly unbalanced, star on top. A knock came at the door and Padme was already halfway up when Rae answered it.

"Something smells wonderful, Rae," Obi-Wan's voice declared.

"I spent the better half of the morning cooking, so I sure hope so!" Rae countered with a chuckle.

"May we come in?"

"Of course! Of course! If you have any gifts, make sure they're wrapped and place them under the tree. If not, that's just fine! I have a special tea my mother used to make on the card table along with a selection of cookies and a nest of blankets in front of the tree so make yourselves at home. I'll be there in just a moment, I just need to retrieve the Christmas gift my Writer sent me," Rae said, directing the duo into her home. Obi-Wan shared a mildly bewildered look with Anakin before entering. Neither had gifts for either of the women and instead took cups of tea and a white cookie each.

"Her Writer?" Obi-Wan asked Padme. The young queen shrugged.

"I'm as lost as you are," she said quietly. Rae returned with her own tea and cookies... as well as an archaic looking datapad.

"This... was a present from my grandmother for graduating highschool," Rae said, presenting the device. "And now... I'd like to share the story of the first Christmas with you." Her guests scooted closer and Rae smiled before reading from Luke 1:1 until Luke 2:21. "And that... was one version of the Story of Christ's Birth," Rae finished before turning back to her tea. Her three guests shared bewildered looks as Rae searched through the other Gospels to find the story of the Wise Men. "Would you like to hear of the Wise Men who came to give honor to the newborn king?" she asked when she had found it.

"Yes please," Padme asked, Anakin nodding beside her. Rae smiled.

"Matthew chapter 1, beginning in verse 1. 'After Jesus had been born in Bethlehem... '" she began and ended her reading with, "'Having been warned in a dream, he left for the region of Galilee and came and settled in a town called Nazareth in order to fulfill what was said by the prophets: "He will be called a Nazarene." And so ends that part of the story of Jesus."

"So... why do you exchange gifts?" Obi-Wan asked. Rae smiled at him.

"To celebrate the gift that God gave to us in the form of his one and only son, Jesus, whom he loved. Jesus was our salvation from sin, open to everyone who would hear and accept him. He was our hope. We give gifts to show love, affection, and to spread hope, joy, and the love of the Lord. For some back home, it was just a commercial holiday for buying and getting, but not my family. For us, it was love, joy, peace, and a time to come together for fun and stories and food and, of course, gifts. My gift to all of you is food, drink, company, and stories from another dimension. If you like it this year... maybe we can do something similar next year?" she said. All three smiled at her.

"It's important to you, and it's a nice thing to do. Why wouldn't we?" Anakin said. Rae laughed just as the oven timer went off.

"And that's the ham!" she said, hopping up.

"Ham? It's only three in the afternoon!" Padme said. Rae rolled her eyes.

"I never said I was the best at timing, now did I? Besides, it's my first time hosting a Christmas Dinner! Cut me a little slack would ya? Besides, I need to put the finishing touches on the greens, and the rolls need to go in the oven, not to mention the potatoes still need mashing," she said. Soon, the kitchen was bustling as everyone pitched in to put dinner on the table. By the time everything was set, it was five o'clock. "Ready for dinner now?" Rae asked, quirking an eyebrow at her guests. Anakin's stomach answered that question as it grumbled loudly. The adults laughed and they all sat down to eat. "Dear Lord, thank you for this meal. Thank you for dear friends to share it with. Thank you for sending your Son down to Earth. Thank you for the gift of his teachings. Thank you that through the sacrifice of the Spotless Lamb, the Son of God, my sins are paid for and my life is ransomed back to you. This galaxy I've found myself in is wide and diverse and none I have come to know who you are Lord, and I find myself wondering if you can hear me here, but still I thank you for the good that has come my way this year. From my favorite tea to my job to my apartment to the clothes on my back, I give thanks to you that I might have these things. Bless this food, Lord, may it nourish our bodies. Bless our conversation, Lord, that it may nourish our spirits. In your great and mighty name I pray, Lord God, amen. Let's eat."

"You have much to be thankful for it seems," Obi-Wan remarked. Rae shrugged with a wry smirk.

"I missed Thanksgiving so I had to get it all in there. Besides," she said, passing the green beans, "Christmas is as much a time for thanks as it is for giving, and the Lord God has given me much, even here."

/*/

After the meal, Rae distributed the gifts. Padme peeled back the bright paper from the box Rae handed her and blinked at the cube within. "Rae? What is this?" she asked, Obi-Wan leaning over in curiosity.

"A rubix cube! Or, something similar anyway. It's a puzzle cube. You have to try to line up all the colors so that each of the six sides are a solid color. I've never been able to solve one, but it's something to do with your hands," Rae explained.

"Thank you," Padme said with a bright smile. Rae answered it with one of her own that lit up her face.

"You're quite welcome! Now, here's one for Anakin. I know Jedi aren't big on the whole possessions thing, but training equipment should be fine, right? And these should help protect you," Rae said, turning to the two Jedi with nearly identical parcels in her hands.

"It's rude to turn down gifts," Obi-Wan said, accepting the package from the young woman. She chuckled.

"Oh just open it!" she said, bouncing slightly. Obi-Wan acquiesced and blinked at the sturdy, black, fingerless gloves that had been wrapped in the paper.

"Rae... what are these?" he asked, picking one up while Anakin gleefully tugged his own, significantly smaller, pair on.

"Tactical gloves. Notice the padding over the knuckles? That's extra protection against the force of a punch, and the lack of fingers is, originally, so that you can still pull the trigger on a blaster but for a Jedi, I guess it can be used for activating your lightsaber. The palms are rough enough that not even a polished staff with slip. Trust me, I checked," Rae explained. Obi-Wan blinked at her. She rolled her eyes. "I bought a pair for myself when I was buying yours."

"Rae..."

"Oh, please don't tell me you can't keep them!" she moaned, falling back into the nest of blankets she'd made. Obi-Wan chuckled.

"No, that's not it. I'm just... touched," he said, pulling the gloves on and flexing his fists. "And they fit perfectly." Rae grinned.

"I thought they would. My Intuition lead me to them," she said. Obi-Wan nodded.

"It did not lead you wrong," he remarked. Padme smiled and handed Rae her own gift.

"Merry Christmas, Rae," she said. Rae beamed as she ripped the paper off and gaped at what lay behind it.

"Is this... a real... _glow ball!?_ " she asked, lifting the small globe from it's box. Padme laughed.

"Yes, it is," she said happily.

"Thank you!" Rae cheered, tackling the younger woman to the blankets. The four spent the rest of the night laughing at telling stories until it was time for them all to go their separate ways.

"Good night, Rae. Thank you for the dinner," Obi-Wan said with a bow.

"And thanks for the gloves!" Anakin cheered, waving his gloved fists. Rae laughed and gave them each a hug.

"You're very welcome. Stay safe alright?"

"We will!" Anakin assured her, Obi-Wan nodding stoically behind him.

"I'd best head out as well. Thank you for sharing this holiday with us," Padme said, giving Rae a hug as well.

"No, thank you. Without you three, I wouldn't have had a Christmas at all!" Rae declared. More smiles and hugs went round before the three visitors left to the sound of Silent Night. Rae sighed as the door slid shut and she was alone once more. "Merry Christmas to all and to all... a Good Night," she remarked, turning to put all the left overs away. She decided to leave the paper and blankets for the next day and instead grabbed her pillow and bedded down in her living room.

/?/

A/N: Okay, so giving her her Ipad for Christmas _might_ be pushing it a little bit but... I really wanted her to have Christmas Music and Welsh Cookies! Besides, I've already established that she has bouts of Mary Sueism. So, the Ipad addressed, what did you think? Reviews are love!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

 **Chapter 2:** In Which Rae's Apartment Becomes a Sanctuary for The Harried

Rae didn't really like Courasant. Too much metal, too many smells, too much noise. She wanted to see green hills and blue skies and sit in a cozy home with a crackling fireplace and a cup of tea and climb trees in the fresh, cool air. But, this was where her Jedi Duo was. A Jedi Duo that had seen her get a job. A job that was actually paying for her to get her pilot's license, and training. True, the training was to be a bouncer and that was far different than anything she had ever seen herself doing, but she wanted to be able to protect herself and those she loved when the war broke. Oh yes, she was under no illusions that the war _wouldn't_ break out. Still, she found that she rather liked wielding shock sticks. She was thinking about asking to learn how to use stiletto knives that she could strap to her upper arm. She shook herself out of her thoughts and back into her work. The diner was packed full that afternoon, and more people were coming in than were leaving. It seemed to her, that the little hole-in-the-wall diner was becoming more popular since she arrived. She hadn't mentioned the feeling to anyone, she didn't think they'd believe her.

/*/

Three hours later, she stumbled out of the diner into the grimy, dusky Coruscant 'night' with a heavy sigh. "Man, what a long night," she said. Eyes heavy lidded with exhaustion, she hailed a sky-cab to take her home. Paying the pilot, she staggered her way to her apartment and tiredly opened the door. As she was putting down her purse, she realized something important. The door had been unlocked when she came in. She pulled her right shock stick out but didn't activate it. She crept into the living room, and then she slumped. "Padme~! You should have called! I thought someone had broken in!" Rae whined as she caught sight of the one politician she could actually say she liked. The Queen of Naboo giggled from her position on the couch.

"I would have, but you haven't paid for the comm this month," she said. Rae sighed.

"I haven't got a whole lot of money, Padme. Which reminds me, I need to repay you for the kindness you've shown me. Clothes, food, a place to sleep, relative safety... that's a pretty big bill. It'll take me a while to pay it all off."

"Well... if you could let me just be me while I'm here and feed me dinner, maybe breakfast, I'd say you'd have it covered, considering you shared Christmas with us," Padme said, though her smile was a bit sheepish. Rae smirked.

"Politics getting to you?" she asked, not unkindly. The younger girl nodded, eyes weary. Rae gave a short nod then went to the hall closet and pulled out her heavy blanket. "I bought this in anticipation of a cold night, so it might be a bit warm for you. Let me know if I need to turn down the air. That couch pulls out into a bed and I have small not-quite-accent pillows that you can use for the night. I prefer pillows without much fancy stuff sewn on. As for food... well. I'll see what I can do while _you_ , my dear, take first turn in the shower. I think I have some clothes that will fit you," she said, tossing the blanket to the Queen and then striding off to her room. She emerged with not-quite-cotton drawstring pants and a long shirt made of soft material. Padme smiled as she took the offering and entered the bath room. While Padme was taking a relaxing shower, Rae went into the kitchen and prepared a simple meal. Hearing the door open, Rae drug herself into her room to find pajamas for herself before taking her shower. Seeing that her host wasn't in any shape to serve her, much less herself, Padme dished up two servings and set one aside for Rae.

"I'll take care of the dishes tonight, Rae. You look asleep on your feet," Padme said. Rae grunted, not having the energy for anything more. Once they finished their dinner, Rae turned in and Padme washed up before bundling up on the couch-bed. It was surprisingly comfortable and the young queen had a peaceful, restful, night.

/*/

' _Queens do not giggle at their adorably grumpy hosts,_ ' Padme told herself as she watched Rae drag herself out of her room in the morning. Her hair was in disarray, her eyes bleary, and she was shuffling a little bit like a zombie, though her clothes didn't look ruffled at all. "Good morning, Rae!" Padme said brightly. Rae looked at her dully before...

"Oh frack. You're a morning person," she said, voice gravelly. Padme smiled at her friend's grumpy face.

"Yes I am!" she said with a grin. Rae grunted and went about fixing herself a cup of tea.

"So... what drove you from your cushy room in the senate building to my little dump of an apartment?" Rae asked after she had finished making her toast and was contentedly sipping her tea. Padme shook her head.

"Your apartment isn't a dump," she said. Rae gave her a blank look for her trouble. "Okay, so it's not the best. But I think it's nice. Small, cozy. Neat." Rae started laughing.

"Give it time, it'll look like a tornado went through it!" She stopped and gave Padme a serious look. "Now, come on. Tell me, what really made you seek me out?" Rae asked. Padme sighed as well.

"Fine. My handmaidens cannot lie and say I'm not in when I am, and even though it's been two months since the Trade Federation, Naboo is still being scrutinized. Our reputation really took a hit."

"So you tracked me down to get some peace from pushy, snobby, politicians who want to make themselves feel better by putting you down. That about right?" Rae said with understanding. Padme nodded. With a sigh, Rae sat back and, looking around the kitchen, asked, "Have you already eaten?" Padme shook her head and Rae smiled. "Then I'll fix you _real_ scrambled eggs, my breakfast specialty! Would you like some tea?"

"Thank you. Yes, I'd like some tea."

"Milky, sweet, light, strong?"

"However you make it." Rae gave her a look but shrugged and went about her work. Twenty minutes later, a steaming breakfast plate with eggs, toast, and bacon was placed before the queen with a hot cup of sweet-smelling amber liquid at her elbow.

"Try it, it's not as sweet as I usually make it, but it's still a good cup of Earl Grey," the 'chef' said with a smile. Padme took a cautious sip, then squeaked.

"This isn't as sweet as you usually make it!?" Rae laughed.

"Nope!" she answered, eyes glittering with amusement.

"This is... wow," Padme said, pulling a 'this wasn't what I was expecting' face as she put the tea down. Rae chuckled lightly and nudged the plate of eggs and toast toward her.

"Eat your toast. It'll cut the sugar a bit," she suggested with a smile. Padme took a large bite of toast and sighed.

"Could I get something to cut the sugar in the tea?"

"No, sorry. If I add more water, it'll weaken the tea, and then it will just be wrong. Keep going, see if it gets better," Rae said with a smile. Padme pouted playfully at her but ate all the same. Rae was right. After a little while, the tea mixed with the salty taste of the bacon and toast while the mellow flavor of the eggs tied it all together.

"Okay, so it's not that bad," she relented. She didn't dare look at her friend. She could practically feel the smug smile on the bouncer in training's face.

"Now that we've had breakfast, and it just so happens to be my day off... lets go out for a day on the town! We'll walk around, take pictures, giggle over silly stuff, and forget about the troubles and stares that usually follow us. It'll be fun! What do you say?" Rae said. Padme couldn't say no, so off they went, Padme borrowing a set of Rae's clothes to avoid attention. Rae lead the Queen of Naboo back to her apartment after a full day exploring the sprawling city of Coruscant and couldn't help grinning. It had been a wonderful Girls' Day Out, and she hoped it wouldn't be the last. "Well Padme, I hope this helped. Here's a list of my off days, which are also the days you can come over. I'd love to do this again," Rae said, handing Padme a slip of paper on her way out. The Queen bowed her head to her friend and left. With a sigh, Rae flopped down on her couch and crashed. She was woken a half hour later by her door being buzzed.

/*/

Obi-Wan had had a rough day. Anakin was being his usual self, the Council was going all gaga over their Chosen One, and to top it off, he had been told he was to take his ten year old padawan off on a mission the next day. A _diplomatic_ mission. They argued that it was a safe mission and that as the Chosen One, Anakin should be trained to be an ambassador. Obi-Wan knew such training was started early, such as his own, but still. Anakin? An ambassador? It didn't fit. Anakin was an equalizer, a fighter, a 'man' of action. Forcing him to be a diplomat was against everything Anakin was! Okay, so he'd do well at 'aggressive negotiations' but that's about as far as his diplomatic skills went. A body-guard, a warrior, under-cover investigator, sure, but not full on ambassador! Knowing his emotions were beginning to get the better of him, Obi-Wan headed for the one person who always seemed to get him back on an even keel with oh-so-little effort. Rae Donna Mayar. He was let through with little trouble and made his way to her apartment. Knocking on her door, Obi-Wan was surprised to find her looking like he did after a night out. "Yeah?" she moaned. Oh Force! She didn't go out drinking did she? No. Her breath smelled sweet, like sugar. Cake? Tea? It diffidently didn't smell like alcohol. He quirked an eyebrow, his go-to expression.

"I was going to ask if you'd spar me, but now I'm thinking about offering to get you dinner," he said. Rae smiled tiredly at him, then fell forward. Obi-Wan caught her, naturally, and carried her over to the couch, laying her back down. "What have you been doing Rae?" he asked, only slightly rhetorically. Honestly, it baffled him how she could have gotten into this state. She chuckled. Oh Force, that chuckle! Did she even know how she effected males with that adorable chuckle? It was far better than those silly little girlish giggles. And that look on her sweet little face... Focus Kenobi! She's talking.

"I took Padme out for a Girls Day. Poor girl, she's still getting flack over that thing with the people and the stupid clankers," Rae said. Obi-Wan chuckled as well, understanding perfectly. Poor Padme indeed.

"I see. So, you want to get dinner? Or should I cook?" Rae gave him a curious look.

" _Can_ you cook?" she asked. Another chuckle and Obi-Wan put her back on the couch before heading into the kitchen.

"Not as well as Qui-Gon could, but he did teach me a thing or two about living on your own," he replied, raising his voice slightly to raise above the clanking of cooking utensils. He heard Rae giggle and the couch creak as she settled herself in a more upright position. The holo switched on and channels chattered as Rae flipped through them. Obi-Wan tuned it out as he focused on his dish. Cheesy noodles. It was one of his favorites, and he had a feeling Rae would like them as well. She had settled on a decent show, a crime drama. Rae chuckled warmly as she snuggling up to the Jedi. Obi-Wan had to fight to keep still as she did so.

"Macaroni and cheese, a cop show, and a cute guy? Mmhhm, must be my lucky night!" she said. Obi-Wan was fairly sure she was saying it just to embarrass him, but Force was she doing it right! The Jedi was rather glad she couldn't see his face. He was sure it was as bright as the Tatooine suns after that comment. The two spent a happy quiet evening together before Rae kicked him out. "You've got a big day tomorrow and I don't want to be the one to explain why you were late!" she said. Obi-Wan groaned, but agreed. Explaining he had been at a woman's house the night before his mission was not something he wanted to do either. So, he left, and hoped Rae would be alright. He shook his head, glad he had taken a sky-cab instead of a Temple Speeder to Rae's, as it meant he was free to think and shake his head and close his eyes as he wished without having to worry about crashing into anyone else. Rae never failed to set him at ease.

/*/

Three weeks later, Rae was home nursing a freshly re-located shoulder(it had been a rowdy night at Dex's) when Obi-Wan and Anakin popped in on her. Seeing she was hurt, Anakin sat with her, keeping her entertained while Obi-Wan cooked. Just as the Jedi was really getting started, Padme dropped in and the dinner was expanded to include her. While Anakin and Obi-Wan shared Rae's outlook on most politicians, they all loved Padme in their own ways. Rae as a dear friend, Obi-Wan as a little sister, and Anakin as... well. _He_ wasn't sure what he loved her as, but Rae could see the beginnings of romance, seeded as it was in infatuation. Sure she had an unfair advantage on that part, seeing as she Knew Anakin would fall for the pretty, petite, Queen of Naboo, but it was plain to see for those who cared to look. And really, knowing the young woman as she now did, Rae couldn't blame Anakin for falling for her. She was spunky, witty, clever, and tough as nails while still being optimistic, caring, and feminine. Quite unlike Rae herself who detested dresses and only had two pairs of boots, nice and break-up-bar-fights. She owned no jewelry, nor did she own make-up, and her most expensive belongings were her weapons which she practiced with regularly and looked over every night. She only had two shock sticks and a Gungan staff at the moment, but that was impressive for her, seeing how deadly they could be. "So, has the Senate been a little... less cutthroat?" Rae asked. Padme laughed lightly at the older woman's question.

"Yes, but only just. They still watch me like a hawk," she said, and Rae knew she couldn't be the only one to see the tightness in her eyes. Rae hummed, gingerly getting up to drape an arm around her friend.

"I'm sorry, Padme. But you know, whenever you're in town, you can pop in, right?"

"Granted you're home," Padme said. Rae smirked and pulled out... "Is that... ?" Padme asked, eyes wide.

"Padme of the Naboo, I hereby grant you full access to my apartment, day or night," Rae said, handing over the keycard. Padme held it to her chest like a precious treasure. Anakin pouted and through her Force intuition, Rae was sure Obi-Wan was pouting on the inside as well. "You two already know how to get in! If anything, refusing you a keycard is training! If you want to get in when I'm not here, you'll have to use your infiltration skills." Obi-Wan huffed a sigh but nodded. Chuckling, the girls sat down for their dinner, the boys serving them. It was a pleasant evening and by the end, everyone was satisfied.

/*/

Rae watched her friends return to their lives, leaving her tiny, now-messy, low rent apartment and heading back to their higher class dwellings. Sure the Jedi weren't flashy, but no-one could deny that the Jedi temple wasn't high class. I mean, _Jedi temple!_ It didn't even have to try, it just _was_. She sighed and flopped back onto her bed, then groaned as the movement aggravated her wounded shoulder. "Fraggin' drunks," she muttered darkly. Sighing, she got up and ran through her stretches, going easy on her left shoulder. "Stupid fights," she moaned, dragging herself under the warm spray of her refresher. The warm water felt heavenly on her aching muscles and not for the first time, Rae despaired for a tub. Finishing her shower, the bouncer-in-training prepared for bed before surrendering herself to sleep's dark embrace. The next day was flight training with Jazz. She reluctantly dressed in her flight suit and made her way to the air field where Jazz was waiting beside the two person fighter he was teaching her in. He eyed her sling with a critical eye. "It's not as bad as it looks. Just recently re-located," Rae said. He snorted.

"Re-locating a dislocated shoulder _is_ as bad as it looks girly. When did it happen?" the old pilot asked roughly.

"Two nights ago. Stupid drunks," Rae answered, muttering the last two words in a dark aside comment. Jazz chuckled.

"Well, in that case, we're not flying." Those words sent a jolt through Rae and caused her to look up at him sharply.

"WHY?!" she asked, near panicked. She wanted to get to Kamino within the next year or so and at the rate she was going, she wasn't going to be a good enough pilot to get herself there for another three to four years.

"Need to let that shoulder heal. Book work for today sweetie," Jazz said, leading her inside the hanger. Rae sighed but followed all the same. What else could she do?

/*/

After a morning full of studying and testing, Rae said good bye to Jazz and went into her usual shopping district. If Padme was to have full access to her apartment, then she was going to need some casual clothes and some sleepwear. She was also going to need a few more dishes. After picking up those few things, Rae caught sight of a weapons shop. Deciding she could at least look, she made her way inside. Blades of all shapes and sizes were stacked on racks that covered the walls and blasters of all kinds littered the shelves. Rae whimpered slightly. It was like her dream collection, right here! She was walking past a display of knives that looked almost elven when the shop shook slightly, causing one to fall. Quickly, Rae snatched it out of the air with her bad arm. Wincing slightly at the stress placed on her still sore shoulder, she moved to put the beautiful knife back when a voice stopped her. "Nice reflexes miss." She turned and saw a young, male, Twi lek.

"Ah. Thank you, Mister... ?"

"J'ones. Eric J'ones. That knife you caught, it fits your hand quite nicely. Are you perhaps in the market for a weapon?" he responded. Rae looked down at the finely crafted blade in her hand.

"Not really. I've got a pair of shock sticks and a Gungan staff for all my weapon needs. I have, however, always been a blade enthusiast. I just don't have the money to support a collection habit," she said, putting it back on the shelf. Eric traced the path of the knife, then nodded slightly.

"That knife has been bought and returned many times, miss. The man I bought this store from told me it might well have been part of the original stock of this store. Legend has it, that knife was used by Mandalore himself in a fight against Admiral Onasi."

"I don't have the money, Mr. J'ones," Rae stated. The Twi lek smiled.

"I'm not trying to sell you the knife. I'm trying to get you to take it off my hands," he said. Rae quirked an eyebrow.

"And why would you want such a storied blade off your hands? Surely the history alone would make it priceless," she asked. Eric chuckled.

"Blade lore, miss. When a blade finds it's master, it does its best to get to said master," he said. Rae chuckled.

"Not quite the blade lore I learned, but sure. Why not. But I can't just take it. How does a hundred credits sound? It's the last of my overflow for the month, but a blade as fine as this... worth it."

"Fifty, and not a credit over." Rae squinted at the store clerk, then whipped out fifty credits and slid them across the counter before swiping the knife back off the shelf.

"Deal. Pleasure doing business with you. But next time, I'm strictly looking," she said before walking out the door with all her purchases. She firmly told herself that the shop owner _did not_ chuckle at her.

/*/

Jar-Jar came by the next week, missing Obi-Wan's weekly visit by a slim margin, and the two had a good spar down in the gym. Many of the regulars stopped to watch the pair preform their painful dance. All too soon, in Rae's opinion, Jar-Jar had disarmed her and had her pinned to the floor by her throat. "Oh, come on! And you're the _clumsy_ Gungan!" she groused. Jar-Jar laughed before trying to help her up. They both ended up on the ground. "Yep. Ugh, and that shoulder _just_ got healed up!" Rae remarked, thoroughly displeased with the current situation. What followed was a slap stick routine worthy of the Three Stooges and a lot of whirling staves. Together, Rae and Jar-Jar had the whole gym in stitches, one way or another. When all was said and done, Rae glared halfheartedly at Jar-Jar. "I blame you," she said, nursing a bump on her head.

"Mesa sorry," the Gungan said, honestly contrite. Rae sighed.

"Ah don't worry about it," she said, and tossed the dejected looking alien an orange, "have an orange, it usually makes me feel better." Jar-Jar smiled at the Human and was about to take a bite of the sweet smelling fruit before she stopped him. "Wait! You have to peel it first! Otherwise, you get the bitter taste of the rind and the oil," she said, before demonstrating the proper way to eat an orange. Jar-Jar nodded his understanding and followed suit, finding that he rather liked the fruit. The two then spent the rest of the day chatting and eating oranges. It was a good day.

/*/

As she stood by the sink that night, washing what few pots and pans she had used, Rae pondered the remarkable turn her life had taken. Sure she was still a waitress, sure she had to take classes, but she was on Coruscant. Her apartment had holo-service, instead of the internet she surfed the holo net. Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme had dinner with her at least once a month. She was enrolled in bouncer school. And doing well. She had the beginnings of a weapons collection. And she knew how to use most of them, or was learning. She was a citizen of the republic. Naboo was her official homeworld. The Queen of Naboo called her friend while a couple other Senators would at least give her the time of day. She shook her head. "My life has surely turned extraordinary," she remarked to herself. Seeing that her combat practice was completed for the day, Rae took a shower, stretched out, and went to bed.

/?/

A/N: and that's about half a year in the life of Rae Mayar. Also, sorry if any planet or species names are misspelled. As much as I love a good story, spelling is not exactly my strong suit.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

Chapter 3: That First Night...

Rae wasn't sure how she ended up here. No, wait, yes she did. It all started with a Harry Potter fanfiction binge, copious amounts of iced sweet tea, a fake wand, and a cackling little brother. Wait... no... that was the beginning of that one time she pretended to be one of her own characters and dueled her brother who was playing an enderman. Whatever the heck an enderman was. Something to do with Minecraft and enderpearls. Or were they eyes? This event started with Naruto fanfiction, coke-a-cola, a wooden sword... "Ha! Full house!" yelled the man to her left, a rather swarthy character by the name of Gan Fall... no, wait... wrong story. His name was actually Darrik.

"Pah! Royal Flush!" the alien across from him yelled, throwing down his cards. How had she ended up here again? The Naruto-coke-sword incident was another one of her antics with her brother. She didn't have a wooden sword here. She had a shock stick and a blaster instead. She rather liked her blaster. Padme had given it to her back on Naboo, before The Battle. So what about this incident? Maybe this one had started with a queen, a blockade, two Jedi, a sandstorm, and a slave. She shook her head. No, that wasn't it. "Drink getting' to ya, girlie?" the twi'lek beside her said, a hint of a drunken slur beginning to show. The grizzled human across from the still rather befuddled Rae cackled.

"How much you drink, Garth?" he asked, the volume at which he spoke the only indication that he'd been drinking at all. "Rae ain't even touched that baby shot we passed her!" Rae snorted.

"You call this a baby shot?" she asked, picking up the full sized beer glass. "I'd hate to see what you call a pint." This set the various aliens laughing and slapping their thighs. Rae honestly didn't know how she'd gotten here. Aside from the speeder outside. And the human sitting across from her who just happened to be her flight instructor. Nope. Not a clue how she got there.

"Take a sip girlie!" Garth said, giving her a strong shove with his shoulder and nearly slipping both his drink and her's all over the both of them. She rolled her eyes and took a cautious sip.

"Ugh. Not my kind of drink I'm afraid," she said, fighting not to gag. "Seems a rather unpleasant mix of bitter, sour, and dry. Not to mention it smells like what I'd use to disinfect a particularly nasty gash." It wasn't a lie either. She could have sworn it was one of three things; everclear, rubbing alcohol, or moonshine. Not that she'd ever drunk any of them, but the smell was fairly distinctive. She remembered that one Christmas when her aunts broke out the everclear grain alcohol and her uncle had said it 'smells like jet fuel.' Rae had no choice but to agree with her uncle.

"Ah~, why'd ya bring dis one Jazz-man? She ain't no fun at all at all," a member of the Quara subspecies of the Aqualish people asked. Rae was rather surprised that Jazz knew an Aqualish, but considering the fact that it was _Jazz_ , of all people, she decided it was really just par for the course. As was the fact that she just knew that was what the male was. Her Force Intuition had been growing stronger, even without her consciously practicing with it.

"She's good enough behind the yoke to pilot a speeder," Jazz said, tossing in five ten chips. Rae sighed and clarified.

"It seems that I am Jazz's designated driver for this evening, gentlemen. So, even if I did enjoy this swill you're all chugging I'd have to restrain myself." Blank stares ensued and Rae rolled her eyes again before jerking her thumb at Jazz and saying, "I'm here so this idiot doesn't kill himself trying to fly home, so I couldn't get drunk if I wanted to." Jazz cracked up.

"See? She's good," the older human said. "Now come on lads! I ain't done just yet!" And so, the poker game continued. Rae sighed and sat back, watching. She'd never cared for poker, or blackjack, or really any form of play that involved gambling... except horse racing, but she would rather be on the horse than watching it. Of course, that lack of care toward aforementioned forms of play had her at a total loss. "Oi, Rae, relax yeah? You look like some sort of Secret Service Chick trying and failing to blend in," Jazz barked at her. Rae rolled her eyes and uncrossed her arms.

"I'm training to be a bouncer, there are some habits that get drilled into you in the School of Hard Knocks," she remarked, leaning forward to rest her arms on the table. "Besides, I'm not a poker kind of gal."

"Well, what's yer game?" asked the third human at their table. Rae shrugged.

"Solitaire and pit are about the only two I know how to play," she said.

"After this hand lads," Jazz declared, pushing their poker game along. Rae chuckled.

"Aye aye, El Capitain!" she said, sending him a mock salute.

/*/

As Rae was dragging her inebriated flight instructor to his speeder, she waved good-bye to the twi'lek, Aqualish, and Darrik. The reality of her actions hit and she shook her head. "I'm actually waving goodbye to a pair of drunk aliens, and one drunk human, while helping my _flight instructor_ home," she remarked to herself. It was official, all that was left was to acknowledge it out loud. The flight to Jazz's apartment, which was helpfully located directly beside the landing pad where her lessons took place, was passed in determined silence... and drunken chuckles. "Delivery," she told the reception droid dully, dropping the swaying Jazz in front of the desk.

"Again?" it asked, sounding vaguely surprised before turning to her. "Thank you for bringing him back, Miss. I'll have security take him to his room." Rae nodded and turned on the ball of her right foot.

"Tell him Rae'll be back at the usual time," she said as she walked out, giving the droid a backward wave over her right shoulder. Once safely back in her own apartment, the young woman gave a full body shudder. "Man, when did I become the designated driver?" she muttered, headed to the 'fresher and a nice shower. A message was waiting for her when she got out.c

"Rae, I know it's your night off, but Gaston just came in asking about my baker. Seems he's got a party lined up and he wants five dozen of your shortbread cookies. He's willing to pay a hundred credits for the lot. Let me know if you're going to take the job as soon as possible. I'll let you use the diner's ovens for 20% of the profit. Same deal for any other orders you take. Dex." A harsh breath forced it's way past her numb lips before they turned into a rueful smile. Dry laughter followed and Rae fell back onto her couch.

"Okay, my life has officially entered the realm of the weird," she admitted. Gaston was an upper-middle class Rodian merchant who infrequently visited Dex's. And he wanted her cookies for a 'party.' "Y~e~a~h~! Definitely in the realm of the weird."

/?/

A/N: Okay, I confess... I mostly wrote this one so I could get that line in the story. I put it in the summary, so... I kinda felt it needed to be in here, and pretty close to the beginning. So, you get Rae's first night as Jazz's designated driver and an order of shortbread cookies as the thing that tips Rae over into realizing how odd her life is now, compared to what it was when she was back on Earth.

Also, fun fact for those still reading this A/N, Rae's take on alcohol is mine as well. Why would I want to drink something that's both bitter and sour? Give me a rootbeer anyday.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

 **Chapter 4:** Rae Visits the Jedi Temple

A year. A full on _year_ and she was finally invited to the Temple. Sure it was by Obi-Wan and only because he said her gym was deplorable and that he wouldn't step foot in it. Snob. Still, she was actually _invited_ to the _Jedi Temple_! It was an auspicious day, to be sure. "Who are you?" a young Jedi asked as he passed her on his way out.

"A friend of Master Kenobi's. He asked me to come over for a spar because, and I quote, 'your gym is deplorable, Rae, and I refuse to step foot in it. You'll just have to come to the Temple for our spar,'" she answered.

"Uh..." the freshly Knighted Jedi trailed off.

"My name is Rae Donna Mayar, Knight Austin. I suggest you remember it because I'm going to be coming around fairly often," Rae remarked before breezing past the young man and entering the Temple... after climbing a ton of stairs. "Honestly, what is it with ancient temples and big ol' staircases?" she muttered as she reached the doors.

"How might I help you?" another Jedi asked her.

"If you'd be so kind as to point me toward the training rooms I'd be much obliged," Rae answered.

"And why might... ?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi invited me for a spar." The alien quirked an eye... ridge? At her. "Oh! I don't suppose the name 'Rae Donna Mayar' rings any bells?" The Jedi swiftly stepped to the side and pointed toward the left.

"Five halls down on the right, Madam," he said. She quirked an eyebrow. "Anyone who can talk down Master Windu and make Master Yoda wary is to be respected, Madam," the Jedi said, answering her unasked question.

"Ah. Guess I shouldn't really be all that surprised. Master Fury is usually the tough as nails badass after all," Rae said, shaking her head. "Thanks for the directions." The Jedi nodded and Rae was on her way again.

/*/

Thirty minutes of wandering later, Rae turned to her Force Intuition to guide her to Obi-Wan. When she found him, she latched onto the hapless Jedi Knight. "OBI~! I'm so glad I found you! I would have been lost for another _hour_ if I hadn't!" she cried. Obi-Wan awkwardly patted her on the head.

"It's okay now, Rae. You found me, and now we can have that spar," he told her. Perking up immediately, Rae grinned and began tugging on his sleeve.

"Spar! Spar! Spar!" she sang, tugging him in the general direction of the training rooms. Chuckling, Obi-Wan allowed himself to be half dragged to an empty training room by the excited young woman. "So, weapons or fists?" she asked, turning to him with an honest expression.

"Weapons," Obi-Wan answered, pulling out...

"Are those... bokken?" Rae asked, eying the wooden swords.

"Well, we call them 'weighted training sabers,' but I guess that works too," Obi-Wan said, tossing her one. It didn't feel like it was weighted, not in comparison to the wooden longsword she had back home, but to a group who used laser swords, she could see how a physical blade would be weighted.

"Cool. You do realize I don't know how to use a sword, right?" she said, a little nervous.

"Then I'll teach you. Can't be much harder than training Anakin," Obi-Wan said with a shrug.

"Fine. But when I disarm you, I'm going to make you whimper," Rae promised, beginning to circle him. Obi-Wan smirked.

"Of course you are," he said.

/*/

Ten minutes later, both had lost their weapons and Rae had Obi-Wan on the run. Neither noticed the crowd their 'spar' had drawn, too focused on the match. "I said I'd make you whimper when I took away your weapon, Master Kenobi, and I intend to make good on my word," Rae purred even as she dashed after the fleet footed Jedi.

"I didn't say you wouldn't," Obi-Wan deflected, trying his level best to avoid the young woman. She laughed and lunged, Obi-Wan only barely managing to escape... until Rae dropped to the floor and kicked up with her heels, supporting her weight on her hands. The unexpected tactic caught Obi-Wan off guard and the hit had him reeling backward. With him off balance, Rae easily swept his feet out from under him. The Jedi hit the floor hard, his breath leaving him in a rough 'huff' before he let out a pained moan.

"Eh, it's not a whimper, but I'll take it," Rae said, sitting beside her defeated foe. Obi-Wan gave her a flat look before pushing himself up. "You really should use your arms for that, Ritter. Relying on the Force for such little things, while looking cool, could have detrimental effects in the future. What if you come across something that dampens or even blocks your connection to the Force? It'd be a good idea to have strong base skills to fall back on," she remarked. Obi-Wan shook his head with a faint smirk.

"Ever the teacher," he said. Rae scoffed.

"I am _not_ a teacher. I'm a _bouncer_. There is a large difference, Master Kenobi," she told him, hopping to her feet. "So... where's the cafeteria? I'm famished!" Obi-Wan chuckled darkly and tossed one of the discarded bokken to her.

"You seem to be under the illusion that we were through, Miss Mayar," he remarked lightly. "I assure you, we are not." She groaned, the bokken's tip sagging toward the ground.

"You're not going to stop until you definitively beat me, are you?" she asked.

"Oh no. I'm not stopping until I see improvement," Obi-Wan countered.

"I thought Jedi were against such things as sadism," Rae muttered, barely catching Obi-Wan's strike and deflecting it down.

"Against such things, we are," Yoda piped up from the wall. "Lax, we are not." Rae glared at him. And his popcorn.

"So not helping, Troll," she hissed, then snapped her bokken up to catch Obi-Wan's slash. "Attacking when your opponent is distracted, Obi-Wan? How very opportunistic of you, Mr. Jedi," she said, turning with a return strike.

"I was testing your intuition," Obi-Wan defended, easily evading her clumsy attack. Rae laughed, pulling back and circling, her bokken held in a sloppy guard position.

"You know I'm not really Force-sensitive, Obi-Wan. That doesn't work as well on me as it would on even a Youngling!" she told him with a smile.

"Sense the Force, you do," Yoda felt the need to say. "Know things otherwise, you could not."

"Remind me how I got to this world, Master Greenie, I seem to have forgotten," Rae quipped, catching a body-blow to her torso. "Ow!" she yelped, hopping away from the impact.

"You need to focus, Rae," Obi-Wan told her with a faint smirk.

"Little hard when I've got a shriveled little elf-troll babbling at me!" the young woman bit back. Obi-Wan had no answer to that. Being unable to argue the point, he instead pressed his attack. They kept at it, Obi-Wan pausing at times to offer instruction on what she was doing wrong, for another hour. By the end, Rae really wanted to pound him into the ground.

"We'll break for lunch," Obi-Wan said. Rae grinned.

"Thank you," she purred. Obi-Wan felt a shiver of fear run down his back at her expression.

/*/

After lunch, several curious young Jedi, along with a mildly amused Yoda, followed the pair back to the training room they had used previously. Obi-Wan reached for the bokken, but Rae proved to be faster, catching his wrist and pulling him down to the ground in a textbook arm-bar. "Ah ah~! Not so fast there Sword Boy," she purred in his ear. "It's my turn now."

"In trouble, Obi-Wan is," Yoda mused.

"Why do you say that, Master Yoda?" on of the watching Padawans asked.

"Guah!" Obi-Wan exclaimed as Rae drove her knee into his gut, forcing him backward.

"Most dangerous unarmed, she is," Yoda deadpanned, watching the gasping Jedi as Rae bounced on her toes in front of him.

"Come on Ritter! Didn't you best me on the way to Tatooine? Where's that skill?"

"You've gotten better," Obi-Wan wheezed, rubbing his stomach and giving her a gimlet eye. Rae laughed.

"I'd certainly hope so!" she remarked. "I've only practiced everyday for a year, not to mention I'm attending _Nightclub Security School_." A few of the more senior Padawans winced. They knew from experience how thorough a doorman or bouncer could be. They considered Obi-Wan lucky she didn't have a shock stick handy.

"I'm suddenly far more sympathetic toward my Denshi," Obi-Wan muttered as he picked himself up off the floor. Rae chuckled, squaring herself with the man.

"Well, I have always had one of the more aggressive styles. My size allows me to get in close to most opponents, making my fists my primary weapon. With the introduction of shorter aliens, I might just begin to utilize my strong kicks a bit more," she admitted. He just groaned before moving in. It was a fast paced spar, the two breaking apart every now and again to regain their breath, but it was clear Rae was the better martial artist.

/*/

In the end, Rae was quite pleased and Yoda had given her free reign to use the training room. "Spar with Padawans, you will," he added. Rae quirked an eyebrow.

"Let me get this straight, as long as I spar with the Padawans, I can use this room like a gym?"

"Good training, it is," the diminutive Jedi Master told her with a grin.

"I want Obi-Wan to oversee," Rae bargained.

"Padawan's Master judge, he will."

"I can't deny a Padawan's Master their right to observe their student's training, but I still want Obi-Wan to teach me," Rae declared, crossing her arms in determination. Yoda nodded. "Oh and, can I bring my shock sticks?"

"Against the Masters, use them, you may," Yoda allowed. Rae could have sworn his eyes had a mischievous glint in them.

"Any Master?" she asked.

"Chose the weapon, the challenged does," he answered.

"So... I have to get them to challenge me before I use my shock sticks on 'em?" Yoda just smiled and walked away, causing her to let out a dissatisfied huff. Still, she wasn't too unhappy. She had a new side gig after all. Teaching Padawans, and possibly their Masters, how to adapt to unusual fighting styles in exchange for the ability to use the Jedi Temple's training room wasn't much of a price to pay in her mind. "Heh, I now have a whole _temple_ worth of sparring partners," she told herself with a grin. Someone, somewhere in the Galaxy, felt a shiver go down their spine as a premonition of doom flitted across their senses. The next moment, the feeling was gone, leaving Someone to wonder if they hadn't just imagined it after all.

/?/

A/N: Okay... there wasn't as much insanity as I was hoping for in this one. Oh well, she has a standing invitation now so she'll have plenty of chances to cause a ruckus. Let me know how you liked it in the review box down below!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I am not brilliant enough to have come up with Star Wars. Nor am I rich enough to have paid for the rights. Disney's a monster when it comes to funding.

 **Chapter 5:** Rae's First Solo Mission

Kamino, the Clone Planet. Jango Fett... father of the year? Rae hadn't believed it but... "Dang kid, you've got one cool dad," she said, watching Jango in the kitchen. Two-year-old Bobba Fett giggled at the strange girl.

"What brings you here, Miss Mayar?" Jango asked over the bubbling of the pot in front of him.

"Oh, just a little... insurance," she told him, waving the question off with a negligent hand. The man scoffed and she chuckled, thinking of what she'd done since arriving on the stormy planet. Unlike Obi-Wan, she had arrived during the bad session and nearly crashed in the ocean. Lucky for her, the Kaminoians seemed used to this and had safety features in place. As it was, she was grounded until they could fix her ship... and until the storm abated somewhat.

"Insurance?" Jango asked.

"Yep. Insurance," Rae maintained, though she was grinning.

"And what kind of insurance might that be?" Jango inquired.

"Loyalty, Herr Fett, is so easily subverted... if you know what you're doing," the woman said. Jango turned to her, interested.

"And do you know what you're doing?" he asked. She grinned.

"Mandalorians, oh, how I love 'em," she told him. "You're a warrior society, stressing strength and loyalty above all... and yet, you're all so fiercely independent. Take you for example. A Bounty Hunter with no country, and yet... if Mandalore were to call for your allegiance... can you honestly say you wouldn't give it to him?" Jango shivered slightly, but that only made Rae's grin widen.

"How do you know of Mandalore?" he asked. She shrugged.

"The same way I know of Kamino, even though the Jedi's records of this place have been wiped from their mainframe. I Listen."

"What did you do to the clones?" Jango asked. Rae shrugged.

"Nothing much, just altered one of their predetermined orders, added a new one, and gave them a familiar face, should they ever be called on," she said. "I hope to participate in their training sessions at some point. My ship will take some time to be fully repaired after all, and that's not counting the amount of time that will need to pass for the storm to lessen to the extent where I can safely leave," she told him.

"I might be able to pull a few strings," Jango admitted. Rae grinned at him.

"Sweet! So... do I get to babysit this cutie at all?" she asked, tugging Bobba to her for a hug. Jango shrugged.

"He seems to like you, and you yourself have told me you don't care much for child abusers. I see no problem with you watching him from time to time," he told her.

"Yay!" Rae cheered.

/*/

While the dimension traveler was having true Mandalorian cooking, the Cloners were busy at work re-working several lines of genetic code. Yes, lines of genetic code. The Kaminoians had managed to convert several different species into something resembling a computer, allowing them to tweak personalities, sensitivities, and embed commands. With the arrival of an authorized envoy of the Republic, they had been given new orders in regards to the clone army they were building. ' _I want some safeguards added to the Clones programmed orders. All executive orders must be received in triplicate by the Supreme Chancellor, an Admiral, and a member of the Jedi Council. If an order deals with one branch; be it government, military, or Jedi; two from the remaining two branches must give the order. Also, I'd like to implement a new Order. Is there an Order 42?'_ she had told them. When she was informed that 42 was not an order for the Clones, she had grinned and said, ' _Order 42 shall be 'shut the Frag up and listen to me.' They don't have to do as they're told and/or order afterward, but getting them to stop everything and listen should be a large help. Oh and, as it won't force the clones to do anything, we can leave off the triplicate authorization._ ' If they had been prone to it, the Kaminoians would have smirked as they followed her orders. She was a smart Human, they'd give her that.

/*/

Jango waved the strange young woman farewell as her ship powered up. "Thanks for letting me drill with the clones, Jango!" she called to him. "And don't forget that whacking things with a big heavy stick is an effective strategy too!" The bounty hunter just shook his head, smiling ruefully.

"I'll try to keep that in mind, Miss Mayar!" he called back. With a wave and a cackle, Rae Mayar closed her cockpit and flew away.

"Do you think she'll come back someday?" Boba asked. Jango shook his head.

"I don't know, Boba, and to be honest... I'm not sure I want her to," he told his son.

"Why?" the innocent boy asked. Jango involuntarily pictured a galaxy where there were several clones of Rae in the Clone Army and shuddered.

"There are some things that are simply not meant to be, my son. Some things that would destroy the galaxy should they come into existence," he said. "Now let's get back inside. The weather is frightful."

/?/

A/N: So... yeah. I put in safeguards _a~n~d~..._ gave Rae a legit reason to shout out '42!' in the middle of an intense situation.

(Omake!)

Anakin was ready to bash his head into the wall.( _"No, that way is..." "But what about..." "are you sure you know where you're going?" "Of course! I'm the pilot!" "Ha! If we followed your plan we'd all be dead within ten minutes!"_ ) Or maybe jump out of the drop ship a little early.( _"If we bring the AT-ATs..." "But is there enough ground cover for a maneuver like that?" "Five on the bouncer!"_ ) He was a Jedi, he'd survive the fall, wouldn't he? ( _"And then we'd put the speeders over there..." "How many grenades did you say?" "And then the heavy guns there..."_ ) And it wouldn't be so hard to find them again. He'd just have to follow the sound of their incessant bickering. "Force help me. Force help me. Force help me," he said, repeating it as a mantra to himself. Rae rolled her eyes and winked at Asoka.

"Watch this," she muttered quietly, so only the Padawan could hear her. Closing her eyes and clearing her throat slightly, as preparation was half the fun, she sat up a bit straighter before snapping her eyes open and declaring with the utmost of urgent seriousness... "42!" Immediately, the clones fell silent and turned to the slight woman, giving her their complete and undivided attention. "Thank you. Now, if you lot are _quite_ done squabbling like schoolchildren," Rae said, giving them all a gimlet stare, "there is the serious matter of a wall, a horde of walking scrap metal, and a megalomaniac to deal with. I say, we blow up the wall, lay waste the the walking scraps, and then send the mildly droid shaped husks back to the megalomaniac who sent them. I realize this is a rough plan so please, polish it up. Just... do so in a manner that d _oesn't_ make you all sound like pre-schoolers, please?" Anakin slid out of his seat to kneel before her.

"Oh great Mayar, teach me the magic of 42!" he declared. Rae smirked and patted him on the head.

"All in good time, my Minion. All in good time..." she told him 'magnanimously.' Her eyes snapped up to the still watching clones. "Why are you all staring at me? Rant over, done, finito! Time for plan polishing!" she snapped, waving a hand at them in a rather clear 'shoo!' motion.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own.

ALSO! This is basically an Omake but I will be refrencing certain parts of it, I just don't know exactly where it fits in Rae's timeline.

 **Chapter 6:** The Curious Case of the Disappearing Chocolate

It had been a long night and all Rae wanted to do was drink some tea, eat some chocolate and crash. She pulled out the chocolate then turned to the stove to heat the water. A mug, a spoon, a gallon jug of milk, and a container of sugar were soon arrayed on her counter top, swiftly being turned into a decent cup of tea as she poured the now boiling water over the bag of dried tea leaves. As she inhaled the wonderful aroma of the heavenly brew, her eyes closed in bliss. When she opened them again, she looked for her chocolate. Great was her surprise when she couldn't find it. Staring blankly at the spot where it should have been for a moment, Rae finally sighed and went to her couch to at least enjoy her tea.

/*/

It was empty.

Her eye twitched.

The counter was still empty.

A sigh and the holo switched on with the local version of NCIS. "At least they were smart enough not to mess with my tea stash," Rae muttered, sipping at the spicy blend that was close enough to Bengal Spice for her to fall in love with it. The weather was turning cold and the skies had decided to unleash an unholy amount of water upon the poor mortals toiling beneath them. The only reason she wasn't calling it a Biblical Event was because she'd seen Kamino during the bad session.

Original!Obi-Wan had no idea how lucky he was that he'd hit the good session.

Snarky ginger had all the luck of the Irish and a pot o' gold for a heart.

/*/

"Okay, this is getting annoying," she growled, glaring at the spot where her chocolate had been not even half a minute before. "Please, who or whatever is doing this to me, stop. Before things get nasty." She had a feeling her plea would fall on deaf ears. Or the culprit was far from where he/she could hear her. Eh, their loss. She'd tried to warn 'em.

Women could get nasty when denied their treats, especially chocolate.

And especially when they knew their curse was close.

/*/

"Again!?" she shouted, dumbfounded.

/*/

"Argh!" *stomp stomp stomp.* *swoosh * *stomp stomp sto... *

/*/

"Seriously? This is getting ridiculous."

/*/

She glared. It glared back. She growled. It remained unchanged. "When I get my hands on whoever is stealing my chocolate... I'll make Mitarashi Anko look like Cozy Heart Penguin in comparison!" she vowed. If It hadn't been a counter... and It had been in any way familiar with the two mentioned... It would have been rightfully terrified. Or having a comical sweatdrop hanging off the back of Its head. As it was, the poor counter suffered no ill effects from Rae's vehement vow nor her scorching glare. The same could not be said for the delivery boy at the door. He refused to service her floor after that. "It's been a _long_ week, not to mention _day_. I am _though_ with this... this... _panquie!_ " she ranted. Taking a deep breath, she decided to make good on that standing invitation she had with the Jedi Temple. Grabbing her shock sticks, she headed out the door. She had a Jedi Master to irritate enough to challenge her... and then soundly beat. Okay, maybe not a Master, but a newly Knighted Jedi shouldn't be too hard to trounce with her primary weapon... should he?

/*/

Seeing a glaring Rae Mayar stalking toward the temple with both shock sticks drawn was a rather intimidating sight. Especially considering what she'd done to Master Windu with a pair of baguettes. Sure they were stale, but they were still only _baguettes_.(Most of the Temple had agreed _never_ to speak of the incident again. It was instead recorded on a Holocron to teach future generations that _just because they can't use the Force, other sentients were dangerous too_.) Considering this, it was difficult for her to get any of the Jedi to spar with her, so she put away her shock sticks and laid in wait in 'her' training room. An hour later, an unwitting Master/Padawan pair walked in and was confronted with a grinning Rae. "Hello there!" she purred dangerously, stalking into the center of the room. "I'll be teaching you hand-to-hand combat this afternoon, Padawan. Do try not to bore me, it's been a _long_ week for me and some idiot has decided that I must endure it _without_ chocolate," she told the Padawan. He was concerned but knew better than to deny the woman and so entered his opening stance. A few jabs, a kick or two, and a throw later Rae let out an irritated huff. "Really? That's the best you can do?" she asked the frightened Padawan.

"I'm only ten!"

"I knew eight-year-olds who did better than that. _I_ did better than that after not practicing for _six years!_ And that was against _Obi-Wan Kenobi!_ You have no excuse," Rae told him.

"Jedi are peacekeepers!"

"So are police but they still need to know how to shoot a blaster, disarm their opponent, and deal with being disarmed themselves. Also, Laser Swords of Pure Awesome. Tell me, why would one carry such a deadly weapon, much less learn how to wield it properly, if they did not see the potential for violence in their future? Why call yourself a Knight if you refuse to learn how to fight? Even when humanity discovered how to split the atom and make things go _boom!_ they taught their peacekeeping and military forces how to fight without a weapon in their hands, to transform their bodies into a living weapon. I may only be a bouncer in one of the not-so-seedy parts of town, but I'm pretty close to being able to call myself a weapon," Rae ranted. The Twi'lek's Master was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable around the irritated woman, but even he, who hadn't met her before, knew it would be a bad idea to try to steal his Padawan back from her. "Now!" she said, clapping her hands, "Let's see about correcting some of the _glaring_ problems in your form, shall we? Then we can move on to the good stuff."

Padawan Learner Sha'te gained a healthy respect for women, chocolate, and finger pokes that day.

/*/

After thoroughly schooling the Padawan, Rae decided to practice her Force Intuition by using it to find Obi-Wan. Jedi located, she proceeded to get schooled herself on the mat with her own bokken. "Why are you so... upset... today, Rae? It is most unlike you," Obi-Wan asked during a break.

"Someone has been stealing my chocolate and I can't seem to catch them!" she told him. He blinked.

"Why not use your Intuition to find them, like you did with me?" he asked. She blinked, then groaned.

"Idiot! Stupid! Dumkoff! Baka! Idiota! Stupido! Stultus! Sot! Идиот! Hurtyn!' Rae ranted, her exclamations punctuated by a strike of her own bokken to her skull. Obi-Wan felt that in this case, discretion was the better part of valor and remained silent as her outburst ran its course. When she was done literally calling herself eight kinds of idiot, she lowered her bokken and closed her eyes. Obi-Wan smiled faintly as her breathing evened out, showing that she had begun to meditate. That smile died a painful death when her eyes snapped open, blazing with cold fire. Looking right at him. "Do you know where your Denshi is?" she asked.

"Deep trouble," Obi-Wan said, perfectly serious, easily putting it together that his apprentice had been stealing Rae's chocolate.

"Excuse me, Obi. I have a Sand Rat to... _educate_... in the ways of women," Rae said. Obi-Wan said a quick prayer to the Force for his apprentice.

He was going to need all the help he could get.

/*/

"What have we learned, Anakin?" The boy moaned.

"Women are all weapons of destruction and Chocolate is Sacred," he said... mostly. His jaw was wired shut and half his face was twice it's normal size. That wasn't counting the various cuts, perforations, lacerations, bruises, and embedded bread crumbs. Or the condiments that Bant was _still_ washing out of said cuts, perforations, and lacerations. The bread crumbs would require more than just tweezers to get out.

"I never knew stale bread could do this much damage," the Healer muttered, eying one of the bigger crumbs. Obi-Wan sighed.

"I didn't realize Anakin could be so stealthy. I mean, sneaking out of the Temple, into Rae's apartment, and back? With absolutely no-one noticing until Rae _consciously_ used her Intuition? For someone so stupid, that's rather impressive," he said. "I hope this experience doesn't discourage you from practicing those skills, Anakin," he added to his apprentice. The look he got in return clearly delivered the message 'I make no promises.' Or was it 'drown in your cereal'? Those two were still a little difficult for Obi-Wan to differentiate between.

/?/

A/N: Okay... so this didn't go the way I had planned... but I'd like to think it was funny all the same.

Bow to the Chocolate! _BOW TO IT!_

Oh and, beware of black belts wielding stale baguettes.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

To Guest: I almost laughed out loud at your review for the last chapter. Exactly how would she have stabbed Anakin with his hair? It's not like she can stiffen it with The Force. Now, if she _cut_ him with it I could understand there are swords that are flexible after all. I believe they are called Urumi. Beautiful but deadly, like a sharp whip made of metal.

To all my readers, enjoy this next installment!

 **Chapter 7:** When Padme Crashes at Rae's...

' _It's days like theses that make me reconsider my career choice,_ ' Padme thought, sinking into the couch provided for her. It had been a long meeting at the Senate and the day wasn't quite done yet. As evidenced when Palpatine came to call. Biting back a groan, Amidala rose to greet her Senator. "How may We help you, Senator Palpatine?" she asked. Palpatine talked for a good twenty minutes, but Padme honestly couldn't tell you what he was yammering about. Oh, wait! Was it something about taxes? She gave a non-committal answer, realizing that she couldn't think properly. ' _I think it's time I put Rae's passcard to good use,_ ' she thought, already putting things into order for her to slip out. The sun was already fading, so Padme grabbed her satchel and informed her guards where she was going in case of emergency before vanishing into the residential sector. Thirty minutes later, she was letting herself into Rae's apartment in one of the less seedy 'downtown' buildings. A shower and a cup of tea later, Padme was feeling much better. The keypad beeped and the door swooshed open.

"Ah~! Such a wonderful sound," Rae's voice said. A slight jingling followed by a quite clink signaled that Rae had put down her keys.

"Did you finally get a speeder of your own, Rae?" Padme asked. She thought she heard the sound of Rae's boot heels clacking against the durasteel flooring accompanied by a faint, 'uwagh?'

"Ya know... it's moments like these that I get why everyone _hates_ when I do that," Rae remarked, entering the sitting area without any indication that she'd been surprised by Padme's presence. The scent of cheap booze and old grease assaulted Padme's nose, along with the faint smell of bile and blood.

"Rough day?" Padme asked. Rae sighed, peeling off her light jacket and tossing it into the laundry basket.

"Oh, like you wouldn't believe," she said, tromping over to the linen closet to gather a washcloth and towel.

"All day Senate Meeting followed by twenty minutes of Palpatine one-on-one," Padme deadpanned. "Try me." Rae smirked at her house guest, inclining her head, as she walked back toward her room to gather her clothes.

"Dex had me on the grill until about eight when a few of the patrons started to get rowdy. One guy threw his drink at another guy and then guy two threw _his_ drink at the first guy. I stepped in before a brawl started but when I punched the second guy, he emptied it all over me. Then I broke the other guy's nose, knocking him out, before dragging them out the back," she told the Queen, walking back toward the bathroom, clothes in hand.

"I think you've gotten more violent since you got that job, Rae," Padme remarked dryly. Rae shrugged.

"Eh, maybe. Hey, would you choose a movie or something while I get cleaned up? I need a shower something fierce," she said. Padme agreed and picked up the remote, beginning to flip through the channels while Rae went to the 'fresher. Ten minutes later, the bouncer came out feeling like a real human. "AH~! Much better~!" she said in rapturous joy, exiting the 'fresher and rubbing at her hair. "So, what are we watching tonight, my friend?" she asked, entering the kitchen and pulling open her fridge.

"I found a comedy show. I thought it... therapeutic," Padme said. Rae hummed, popping open a bottle of soda.

"A violent video game would be therapeutic, but comedy works too," she said, plopping down in her armchair, swinging her legs over one arm and taking a swig of her drink. Padme giggled at the woman, sipping her tea.

"I had wondered why the pillow was arranged in that manner," she remarked, prompting a cheeky grin from her semi-wild friend.

"It's comfy this way~!" Rae sang. Padme shook her head and un-paused the show.

' _And ya know, it just_ figures _...'_

"Hey, Padme?"

"Hum?"

"Thanks."

/*/

The next morning Rae fixed breakfast for Padme and drove her back to 500 Republica.

"Thank you, Rae. I really needed that," Padme told Rae. The young bouncer shrugged.

"Hey, we all need a break from time to time. Besides, I did give you a key." Padme laughed and agreed before taking her bag and vanishing back into 500 Republica. Rae sighed and drove back to Dex's. It was time to get back to work.

And if Rae was slightly less bloodthirsty in her job, no-one commented.

/*/

A month later, Rae woke up to the sound of the shower running. Sighing, she got up and fixed breakfast. Padme walked in, rubbing her hair and wearing a sheepish smile. "Well good morning, your highness. Eggs?" Rae said, holding out the frying pan. Padme grinned.

"That would be appreciated," she said, sinking into the nearest chair.

"You just missed Obi-Wan and Anakin, Padme," Rae remarked, expertly flipping two eggs worth of scrambled goodness onto the young woman's plate. "They were here just yesterday."

"A shame," Padme sighed. "It would have been nice to see them again. How long has it been?"

"Eh, 'bout... gosh. Four months? Give or take?" Rae answered, slipping bacon onto her own plate. "Crispies?" she said, offering the skillet to Padme. The younger woman shook her head and Rae replaced the skillet on the stove. "Suit yerself. So! What brings you here this time?"

"Just wanted to visit, that's all. It's been a long time since I've had a girl's day and since I have the day off..." Rae chuckled.

"You thought you'd kidnap me huh? Naughty naughty little miss Queeny," she sang, though she was grinning. Padme still blushed. "Well, I had work today but~! I've been pulling double duty these past two weeks, hoping to get a little extra spending money so I could start building a weapons collection. There's this nice little shop, nestled in amongst some home goods stores, that has some _nice_ pieces of remorseless metal," the bouncer said, eyes going a little starry.

"I really think you've become more violent since arriving here, Rae," Padme said, mildly disturbed. Rae chuckled and waved a hand.

"Nah, I've always wanted a weapons collection. Now I've just got access to some truly remarkable pieces, a steady job, and knowledge of impending _doom_. It's a nice motivator to get stocked up on the good stuff," she told her friend. Padme sighed, shaking her head. "Also, Obi-Wan's been teaching me swordsmanship while Yoda tapped me to teach hand-to-hand to the Padawans. Oh, the training rooms at the Jedi Temple are _nice~!_ But, they're sadly lacking in the more hands on martial arts training equipment. Ah well, I'll have to see about that some other time. For now, let me call Dex and see if I can get the day off to hang out, m'kay?" Padme could only nod as the woman bounced off to put action to words.

"We've unleashed a monster," she muttered. Of course, when said monster came bounding back all dressed for a day out, Padme wasn't complaining and the two spent a lovely day shopping and getting their hair done. Rae got hers cut short with two long locks in the front that she could pull back when needed while Padme just had it shampooed and trimmed.

"Ah~! Feels so _nice~!_ " Rae trilled, shaking her head to feel the short strands fly. Padme giggled at the other girl's antics but couldn't deny it felt good to get pampered.

/?/

A/N: This is what happens 90% of the time.

Remember, reviews are love.

Regenengel3


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars and will most likely _never_ have the money needed to buy it.

 **Chapter 8:** Rae plays the 'Lock them in a Broom Closet' Game!

Only, She Doesn't have a Broom Closet...

It was one of the rare times Obi-Wan had to drag Anakin, who was nearly his twelfth birthday, to Rae's apartment and neither were too happy. "Why are we doing this again?" Anakin asked petulantly.

"We are doing this because we are Rae's anchor to reality, because she needs someone to drag her away from her weapons collection, because it's nice to get out of the Temple for a non-stressful, safe reason, and because we both have a weakness for those cookies she always seems to have on hand," Obi-Wan told the boy who was swiftly becoming like a brother to him. Anakin sighed, still reluctant, but quickened his pace at the promise of cookies. When they reached Rae's apartment, they were surprised to find Padme greeting them in her stead.

"Oh, Obi-Wan, Anakin, how nice to see you again!" she said, pleasantly surprised. It had been nearly a year since they'd last seen each other after all. Obi-Wan recovered easily and kissed the back of her hand.

"Your Majesty," he demurred.

"Oh~! Is that the Dynamic Duo? The Delta Squad? The Knight and the Squire? Ying and Yang? The Fearsome Twosome?" Rae asked, walking into view while wiping her hands off on a dark blue towel, a smirk on her face and a playful twinkle in her eyes. Obi-Wan narrowed his own eyes slightly, wondering what her aim was.

"Har-de-har-har," Anakin drawled, jaw tightening and eyes drooping into a rather fearsome glower... for a twelve year old. Rae grinned unrepentantly at them and tugged Padme out of the doorway.

"Ah, don't be like that, Teufelskerl!" she said, steel creeping into her eyes. Anakin swallowed heavily and drew back, forcefully reminded of their 'sparring' sessions. Grin growing just a little wider, Rae stepped back and bowed the Jedi Duo into her apartment. "Come, I just put the sweet potatoes in the oven and the table needs setting," she said. Obi-Wan lead the way inside and quickly set the table with silverware, Anakin taking care of the dishes. Tasks complete, they sat and talked with Padme, who had been chased out of the kitchen by a grinning Rae.

"Seriously, that grin..." Anakin muttered, shooting a look toward the now humming woman who fairly danced around the kitchen.

"I will admit, her expressions have become slightly more... unsettling... since she began to train her intuition," Padme said.

"When you live with a Jedi such as Yoda, you find yourself quickly growing desensitized to knowing looks and/or smiles," Obi-Wan said flatly. Anakin gave him a considering look.

"Are you saying it doesn't bother you, Sensei?" he asked.

"I never said that," Obi-Wan said flatly. Rae cackled.

"HA! Sure ya did... from a certain point of view!" she declared with a feral grin. Obi-Wan sighed, dropping his head forward.

"You're never going to let that go, are you?" he asked. Rae cackled again, a wicked gleam in her eyes.

"Now now, Obi-Wan, relax. Dinner's on the table," Padme said, dragging the cackling Rae out of the door and directing the Jedi toward the table.

"Ya know," Rae remarked after her hunger had been sated, "this is really nice. I think we should do this more often, don't you?" Obi-Wan nodded and Anakin was looking anywhere but at Padme. Groaning, Rae dragged the Jedi Knight into the kitchen. "I'll just leave you two to catch up!" she called to the younger members of their mismatched family.

"What are you hoping to accomplish here?" Obi-Wan asked of his sparring partner. Rae smirked at him.

"In the future I Saw, Anakin married Padme in secret and had twins that rivaled their parents; Luke for Anakin and Leia for Padme. I'm trying to see if more interaction and less fantasy will make their love stronger... or expose it as infatuation and teenage hormones. And no matter what comes of my meddling in their lives, I doubt either of us want to deal with them dancing around each other," she said flippantly. Obi-Wan groaned, but knew Rae had a point. Much as it irked him.

"So... you're playing matchmaker?" he asked. She scoffed, waving a hand before her face.

"Oh, hardly! I'm playing the 'lock them in a broom closet and see what happens' game. But, since I'm fresh out of broom closets, I chose the next best thing. My tiny dining room," she corrected. Obi-Wan quirked an eyebrow at her.

"It doesn't have a door," he pointed out. Rae smirked at him, that playful twinkle coming back full force.

"So? My apartment does, and the only way out of the dining room is through here. With the two of us in here, and my apartment locked, they are essentially locked in my dining room," she explained. Obi-Wan shook his head with a rueful smile.

"You are a piece of work, you do know that right?" Rae cackled and pulled out her ipad. "Do you just carry that around with you everywhere?"

"Just about, yeah," Rae answered, swiping away at the screen. "Plus, this is the room I use it the most so, there's that."

"Okay, what are you doing?" Obi-Wan finally asked, unable to understand her actions.

"Pulling up fanfiction on you. Did you know there are a _lot_ of stories where you are either gay, in a relationship with Padme, in a relationship with Sabine, in a relationship with Sabe, or madly in love with either the reader or an OC?" Seeing the famous Jedi Master choke on his recently acquired water was a rather gratifying sight and Rae felt no shame in snorting at him.

"What?!" he asked, just shy of squawking. Rae burst out laughing, holding out the ipad.

"See for yourself!" she said.

And that was how Obi-Wan was introduced to fanfiction.

(Rae may or may not have accidentally on purpose set the filter to show the M rated entries.)

/*/

While Rae was corrupting poor Obi-Wan's eyes with fanfiction, Padme and Anakin were having a heart-to-heart. "So... you have a crush on me," the young queen said slowly. Mortified, Anakin nodded. Padme chuckled, shaking her head. "I'm a little too busy for that kind of thing, Anakin, and if I were to choose a husband I'd want it to be someone I know. Someone whom I can relax and be myself around," she told him gently. Anakin seemed to think about er words for a moment... before their talk was interrupted by an outraged ' _THAT NEVER HAPPENED!_ ' from the kitchen, followed by the familiar sound of Rae's cackles.

"Hum... something tells me Rae is laughing at Obi-Wan's pain again," Anakin said with a wry smirk on his lips. Padme chuckled as well, dark eyes dancing with mirth.

"She gets more mischievous every time I see her," she said.

"You haven't seen her sparring with the Padawans in the temple," Anakin said, shivering. "She makes even the Masters nervous at times."

"Ah. What does that have to do with her being mischievous?" Padme asked, looking to the preteen curiously.

"Nothing. I'm calling her a sadist," Anakin told her seriously. Padme pondered that, then nodded.

"She _does_ have a fascination with weapons," she remarked.

"Well, there ya go!" Anakin said, waving toward the queen and sitting back in his seat. The two sat in companable silence until Obi-Wan finally shouted,

" _HOW THE FORCE CAN YOU READ THIS TRASH!?_ " and threw Rae's ipad out of the kitchen. Reacting quickly, Anakin caught it with the Force and directed it toward Padme. The young queen took a glance at the screen and flushed a deep red before snapping the cover closed. Anakin quirked a brow, but Padme shook her head at him, eyes wide. Living as a slave on Tatooine had taught Anakin there were somethings you didn't ask about, and living as a Jedi had taught him there were things better left unseen. So, the Padawan kept his mouth shut and nodded to the queen.

And that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between the youngest of the atypical family.

And the moment that Obi-Wan realized Rae was one of those friends that loved to laugh at your misfourtune.

/?/

A/N: So... yeah. I really have no excuse. This chapter was meant to be a dinner party that fell to chaos, then it was meant to be Padme and Anakin talking through his crush, and finally it just spiraled out into this.

Man, when you have three characters that like to run away with the script, in the same chapter, it _really_ makes it hard to write something coherent!

To Guest: To be honest, Rae is from Alabama. She just has a thing about weapons, like I do. Of course, if she happens to somehow acquire a bowcaster... *evil laughter and mastermind hand rubbing * Well. She'd be _quite_ happy to put it to use against the droids. I can hear her mad cackles now...

Also, I am unfamiliar with the term 'give them the Reeus.' Would you be able to explain that to me? Going by the filmography of Norman Reedus, I'm guessing it s similar to comparing someone to a 'cowboy' type character?


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. But I do have an amazing character named Rae! *dodges flaming tomatoes. *

 **Chapter 9:** How Rae Got a Whole Knife Collection

It was supposed to be a routine mission.

Except, the Kenobi-Skywalker team was doomed to live as trouble magnets, and Rae knew it, so she tagged along. You know, as the backup for when things inevitably went wrong.

And go wrong things did, though not _too_ spectacularly.

They ended up running into Generic Baddie Number 33, Rodian class.

A big fight in a dark alley, in the rain, broke out and the two Jedi made it out, but only because Rae sacrificed herself.

(Anakin was only twelve after all, and not yet accomplished with a saber.)

Turned out, the Rodian was a slave trader who delivered girls to this older human guy who had a thing for knives.

And tying up pretty young girls and creeping the living daylights out of them.

"Dude! Get some better lighting in here! You're creeping me out, man!" Rae screamed to the empty room. Despite being made of metal, it reminded Rae of practically every hostage room she'd ever seen on NCIS or Hawaii Five-O. Heck, the old guy reminded her of a Castle villain! And the kidnapper? Scooby-Doo was written all over him! But, that was because he was an alien. Oh! Rick Castle would have gone nutso over this setup! He did over that sci-fi convention murder. Oh no. Murder?! No, nononononono! She was _not_ going to end up a murder victim! No way! Just then, the door whooshed open and this guy who looked like a Bubba walked in, twirling a knife in his hand. "Hey, Bubba! What'cha got there? Looks like a mighty fine piece of metalwork," she said. If the Bubba comment bothered him, he didn't show it.

"This is a Karthian diver's knife that I won in a pazzak game, many years ago," the man said. Rae hummed and craned her neck to get a better look.

"Nice. Full tang? Plasteel handle? Non-reflective finish?" she asked. The man blinked.

"Half tang, but other than that... yes," he said. Rae jerked her head to the right and back.

"Bring it closer, I want to see if I can place the metal," she said. Intrigued, the man came closer and held out the knife, point first. "Hum... looks like... steel, but with a slightly more blue tinge, which can be seen along the finely honed edge of the blade. Very nicely sharpened striations too, those are difficult to keep up. Humm... a composite. Nope, can't place it. Care to enlighten me?"

"They call it rathium, and it is, in fact, a composite. They make it out of cold resistant metal, heat absorbing stone, and a special coating that not only absorbs the light but also vibrations," the man explained, distracted from his original task by her interest in one of his other passions.

"Amazing! And the handle, is it capped with anything?" Rae asked, craning her neck in an attempt to see the end of the handle

"What do you mean?"

"The butt of the knife! The part you have pointed right at your sternum right now! Does it have a metal cap on it?!" Rae asked, jerking against the ropes that held her. The man blinked. "Good grief Bubba! You are one slow man! Just turn the thing around and let me look!" Bubba, as Rae resolved to call him, turned the knife around. After examining the hilt, Rae nodded. "Looks kind of like they used durasteel and covered it with the same coating they used on the blade," she said. "It's handy when you want to knock someone out, having a solid cap on the hilt." Bubba blinked. Just who was this girl?

"Who are you?" he asked. Rae gave him a rather pitying look.

"Honestly? You really didn't do your homework. That or the rodian you hired was a rookie. Or just plain stupid. Didn't he give you any indication as to who I am? Didn't he tell you I was with a Master/Padawan Jedi team? They're going to come looking for me. They're combing the streets as we speak! It's not a matter of if," she said, with utter certainty, "it's a matter of _when._ " Bubba was really scared now, though he wasn't too sure why. She was a tiny little slip of a girl tied to a chair, unarmed, and he had his knife. So why did she make him feel so scared? "Likely because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my boys will find me. I know, one hundred percent, that when they find you, they will subdue you in the most painful way they can, and then turn you over to the authorities. And then, you will be tried, found guilty, and thrown into prison for a good long while. I can't tell you which prison, that's a little too far in the future, but I can tell you this," here she leaned as close to her captor as her bonds would allow and grinned, showing all her teeth, " _it won't be pretty_." Bubba stumbled back, Rae cackling in her seat, watching him with hunter's eyes, just waiting for him to make a mistake.

To say it was a frightening sight _might_ be underselling it.

/*/

When they'd been attacked not long into their mission, Obi-Wan had wanted to negotiate, but Rae had quickly seen the attackers as slavers and forced him to take Anakin and run. He'd tried to argue, as had Anakin, but one look from those steely eyes had shut them both up. 'Get the Brat out of here! I'll hold them off, try to buy you some time!' she'd said. With the slavers closing in on Anakin, and knowing his past as a slave on Tatooine, Obi-Wan had been forced to follow her command and get the kid out.

But there was a price.

Rae had been captured.

He could not let this stand.

First, he found the slaver who took her and recovered her weapons and light armor... after a quick water-boarding session that Anakin found rather informative that is. Obi-Wan would find the boy a little less quick to test the boundaries after that mission. But Obi-Wan got something far more immediately gratifying in that interrogation.

The name and address of the rodian's client.

It was a simple matter for them to find the house, and another to find Rae's Force signature. It was flared like a beacon. An _angry, devious_ beacon, but a beacon. Obi-Wan actually considered slowing down a little, letting her play with the poor man, but his Jedi training took over and he went in for the rescue. Anakin later admitted that he wasn't sure who was getting rescued: Rae or the man who 'bought' her. "Ah! Obi! How nice of you to join the party!" Rae quipped, still bound to her chair with a rather befuddled knife-wielder standing before her, back to the door. "Though, if you'd given me a few more minutes, I might have been able to steal his pretty little Karthian diver's knife, cut myself loose, and turn the tables on him completely! I'm still undecided if I'd prefer that outcome," she added. Obi-Wan smirked.

"I considered slowing down my rescue, but my training insisted I come and prevent harm," he said. Rae grinned that evil little grin, the one that showed all her teeth.

"Oh, how noble of you Ritter! I'm sure Bubba here appreciates it. Say, could I have his knife? I do so love collecting sharp pointy objects, and knives are so versatile, so small and light. Easy to transport, if a little more difficult to wield," she said. Obi-Wan chuckled.

"I'll see what I can do Rae," he said, ignoring the name she'd given her 'captor' in favor of tying him up.

Rae was a piece of work, that was for sure.

/*/

Rae was rather pleased with how things worked out. The local police were so grateful to her for the part she played in bringing the local slave ring down, that they gave her _all_ of 'Bubba's knives. He had one for each inhabited planet, moon, and asteroid within three systems. Sometimes more than one, considering the various tribal and military grade weapons he had in his house. The slavers also had a wide collection and Rae was given free range of the arms and armor they had on them. Rae picked out two coats and a pair of boots that fit and told them to donate the rest to the Jedi for use as disguises. No arguments could be found against this, so the request was followed.

And Rae and Obi-Wan gained contacts in the law enforcement of Bengelia.

For a mission that went pear shaped, they went home rather happy.

/?/

A/N: I have been holding onto this one for a while now. Yeah, it may be a bit out there, but this is Star Wars! It's going to be just short of unbelievable.

To my Guest Reviewer: Thank you for explaining that for me. After looking Reedus up, I had a feeling it was something like that. My experience with action hero/cowboy characters is more along the lines of Bruce Willis and Harrison Ford since I don't watch The Walking Dead. (Though now I'm envisioning Rae entering a sharpshooting competition with a Wookie using Bowcasters and battle droids. Hum... omake for The War I think. Or what happens when Rae meets Chewie. Oh, the possibilities~!)


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: … Is my name Disney? No. Is it George Lucas? No. Therefore, I don't own Star Wars.

 **Chapter 10:** Teach me how to Swoop

Jazz wasn't too sure what to make of his former student's request. "You want to what now?" he asked, squinting at her.

"I want to learn how to ride a swoop bike," Rae answered unflinchingly, stance clearly saying she was going to stand by her decision. Jazz sighed, rubbing a hand down his face.

"And why would you think _I_ could teach you?" he asked.

"Because you're Jazz. And I have experience with similar vehicles, though those actually had _wheels_ ," Rae answered. She had rather enjoyed the feeling of freedom her dad's motorcycle had provided her back home.

"Eh?" Jazz asked, blinking in mild shock.

"They were called 'motorcycles,'" Rae said, though it didn't really do anything for Jazz's confusion.

"But why would you come to me for lessons?" Honestly, this woman seemed to think he knew how to operate every vehicle on the planet The fact that he could at least figure out at least half of them was studiously ignored by the stubborn old man. Rae rolled her eyes and gave him a bland look.

"Would you rather I test my Intuition on a swoop bike... or on finding someone who can teach me, _Gearhead_ ," she stated with an equally bland tone. Jazz tensed at the name, then glared at her.

"I don't know how you found out about that, but I'm not letting you intimidate me," he growled. Rae shrugged.

"Honestly, you should hear yourself once you get a few pangalactic gargle blasters in you. Heh, sometimes you even sing like a canary!" she said, amusement twinkling in her eyes. Jazz groaned.

"I should never have made you my Designated Pilot," he groused.

"Too late~! Now teach me how to ride!" Rae sang.

/*/

It took a while, but Jazz eventually gave in and taught Rae how to ride a Swoop Bike.

He even entered her into a Swoop Race in the Lower City.

Turned out, she was a natural racer and won it all.

"Told ya I had experience," she said with a smirk as she sat on the old swoop bike Jazz had loaned her before tossing him the prize and swinging her leg back over the seat and tearing off down the track for a victory lap. "STAR WARS ON MOTORCYCLES!" she bellowed as she sped off. Jazz just shook his head and waited for the madwoman to come down off her high.

"Hum... I wonder if the fumes got to her..." Jazz mused, pondering his last thought. It would make a lot of sense if the ambient smog of the track _had_ gotten Rae high.

/*/

The next time Rae went to the Lower City for a Swoop Race, she brought Obi-Wan and Anakin with her. "Are you sure about this?" Obi-Wan asked. Rae scoffed as she pulled her pitch black helmet on.

"Obi, darling, I grew up around motorcycles. I had Jazz teach me how to handle the swoop. I've already beat this circuit and am just defending my title. Besides, Swoop Racing is actually _safer_ than pod racing. I'll be fine," she said, checking her boots.

"No I meant, are you sure having a pair of Jedi watching is such a good idea?" Obi-Wan corrected. Rae gave him a dull look through her helmet.

"Obi. You're a _Jedi master._ Anakin is pretty good himself. I've been training with you both for, oh what, four years? Five? I _know_ you can both handle yourselves. Don't worry so much!" Obi-Wan sighed and shooed her off.

"Right right, go have fun," he told her. She smirked at the Jedi and leapt onto the Swoop she'd built with Anakin and Jazz's help. It was a thing of beauty and Rae couldn't wait to get it out on the track. The blast went off and Rae gunned it with another wild cry of,

"STAR WARS ON MOTORCYCLES!"

"Does she do that every time she rides a swoop bike?" Obi-Wan asked Jazz, who happened to be sitting beside the Jedi pair.

"Just about, yeah," the retired racer said, sounding rather resigned. "Something about card games, little curibohs, and Dying Wills?" Obi-Wan gave him a confused look. "Yeah, I don't really get it either but are _you_ going to call her out on it?"

"Good point," Obi-Wan relented, turning back to the view screen. Anakin was preening at the sight of the swoop he'd helped build tear around the track. It was a thing of beauty, taking the turns like a figure skater and weaving through obstacles like they were nothing. Then Rae hit her first Turbo Pad and blasted past the competition with a wild roar.

"YAHOO!" the racing bouncer whooped, hitting the next Turbo Pad and fairly taking flight.

"This might actually be better than pod racing," the Padawan breathed reverently. Jazz and Obi-Wan shared another look.

Their students were strange creatures.

"And The Bouncer breaks her own record!" the announcer declared. "We might be witnessing the birth of a new legend folks!" The two teachers grinned as Anakin whooped right alongside Rae.

Their students might be strange, but they wouldn't have it any other way.

/?/

A/N: I had too. I... I just had too.

As always, let me know what you thought in the reviews and let me know if there's something you'd like me to write.

Until next time,

Regenengel3


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

 **Chapter 11:** Rae's Birthday Brawl

Obi-Wan was confused by Rae's choice of activity. "Okay. Please, for a woman who does not like senseless violence, explain to me why we are here?" he asked, eying the unsavory characters around him.

"I need to practice, Obi," Rae told him. "And really, this isn't that dark. It's just a martial arts tournament." One of the men nodded to her and she bowed back. "Warrior culture is a rich an varied thing, Obi-Wan. The Jedi are similar to the Samurai from Japan on Earth. Here... here I can see parallels to Hawaii, India, Korea, China, and the Maori of New Zealand. Oh look! An urumi wielder! I didn't think I'd see one out here! Yee~! So exciting!" Obi-Wan shook his head.

"I do not understand how your mind works, Rae," he remarked.

"Oh come on! It's my birthday, Obi-Wan! This tournament being in the neighborhood, today, is just too perfect to pass up! Besides, I've never participated in one of these before and ever since I met you, I've tried to make it a point to try out things I never got the chance to before," Rae said. "Plus, it'll give me the chance to work on my smack talk should I ever encounter a fleshy enemy that needs to get sassed." Obi-Wan shook his head and followed her to the registration table.

"And what makes you think these would be the best people to practice on?" he asked. Rae cackled as she signed her name with a flourish.

"Because they'll be doing the same to me. It's a time honored tradition. Also, if I come up against someone that would react the completely wrong way to getting sassed, I'd like to think I'd know," she told him.

"You sighing up too, handsome?" the woman behind the table asked Obi-Wan.

"No thank you," he told the woman. "I'm just here to offer support to Rae."

"Ah, young love. It's a beautiful thing," the woman said, nodding with a knowing look. Obi-Wan considered denying the claim, but decided that it would do no good to argue with the older woman as Rae tugged on his arm.

/*/

Adrenalin. Fear. Exhilaration. Blood. Sweat. Tears.

Honor. Diligence. Resilience. _Respect_.

Those words encompassed the entire atmosphere of the arena Obi-Wan was currently seated on the edge of. He stared down at the combatants in something approaching awe, carefully hiding his emotions behind a placid facade, as they fairly _danced_ around each other. It was as beautiful as it was brutal and the Jedi couldn't refute it any longer.

"HA! My thirteen year old student can move faster than that!" Rae taunted her _very_ flexible and _extremely_ well muscled opposition as she spun out of the way of his impressive jab and lashed out at his back.

"You are quite light on your feet as well, Fairy," the man remarked gruffly. "But speed and accuracy mean nothing if you do not strike with _POWER_!" Rae had to throw herself forward and roll between the man's legs to avoid his follow-up attack.

"Whoo! Haven't had to pull a maneuver like that since I was a purple belt back home!" Rae tossed out as she launched a spinning kick at the overbalanced fighter and sending him to the floor. "Still, you make a good point. Hitting fast and accurate is nice and all, but without a goodly amount of force it might as well be a fly, eh?"

"Nimble little Fairy, aren't you?" her opponent growled as he pulled himself up off the floor, rubbing a little blood from his mouth. Rae winced.

"Dude, if you wanted to demoralized me, you just succeeded. Brutally," she said, then sighed and folded her legs under her, dropping to the sandy floor of the arena. "Good fight, loved your _adorable_ nick-name for me, but I'm done." He blinked down at the young woman who had proven to be the most interesting fighter he'd come across in a long time... then joined her on the floor.

"Then I am as well," he said. Rae jerked and Obi-Wan leaned forward in interest. See, this is where the _admiral_ aspects came into play and the respect was earned. Rae stared at the large man for a moment before a truly _evil_ smile took over her face.

"So... you're one of those types huh? The type that finds an interesting opponent and doesn't stop fighting until it is clear who is stronger than the other," she remarked. A nod and Rae stood with a sigh. "Then we're going to have to engage in some... _back alley brawl_ style 'rules' in order to give you the type of fight you want," she said, adding air quotes to show just what she thought of back alley brawls when it came to rules.

 **Rae was, however strange it seemed, in her _element_**.

/*/

The next opponent, after Rae had broken the other guy's joints when he asked for a no-holds barred match against her, was just what she'd been looking for in a target. In fact, he gave her the opening she needed by lobbing the first salvo. "I will make you _wish_ for darkness," he growled, slowly bringing his tensed arms into a rather intimating stance. Rae scoffed.

"You speak as though I have yet to see darkness, but that is a _lie_. You merely adopted the dark while I was _born_ to it. _Molded by_... wait, no, hang on. Wrong genre. Let me try again," she said, catching herself quoting The Dark Knight's Bane. "I may not be much to look at, but even the smallest being can change the course of the future," she said. Her opponent looked at her quizzically and she shrugged. "Eh, it's a work in progress," Rae admitted before launching herself into a whirlwind of limbs. Obi-Wan winced, partly due to the _horrible_ comeback and partly because hot _dog_ that was just down right _savage!_

/*/

Rae ended up winning the tournament and walking home with a thoroughly _gobsmacked_ Obi-Wan a a few good mid-fight comebacks in her back pocket. "Thanks for coming with me, Obi. This was... fun," she told her _carefully stoic_ Jedi companion.

"Never again," he moaned. " _Never_ again am I taking you to an MMA tournament. I don't care how much you beg or plead, I'm _not_ doing it. Ever. Again," Obi-Wan declared with all the weight and authority of the Courthouse bell. Rae frowned for a moment, then shrugged with a wince as her own collection of bruises and cuts ached and burned, respectively, in response to the motion.

"Chances are I won't enter one again. Not for a long while anyway. And if I _were_ to enter a competition like this again, it would either be because someone I _want_ to fight is competing or it's between my graduating class," she said. Obi-Wan felt his eye begin to twitch at the mention of Rae's Night Guard class.

"So. Many. _Pies_ ," he _did not_ whimper. Rae cackled quietly as they entered her speeder.

"Ah, Obi, they were just having fun!" she chided, cranking the engine and easing the speeder into the air traffic lanes.

"... Panqui," Obi-Wan bit back. Of course, this just made Rae cackle _harder_ , so his retort was pitiful at best but as he'd no doubt say if you pointed this out to him, 'it's the thought that counts!'

/?/

A/N: Okay, this one was inspired by my Guest reviewer who asked, and I'm paraphrasing, would Rae quote Bane to Count Dooku if she came face to face with him? The answer... she's still working on her Quote Fu at the moment. She'll get back to you on that in a year or so.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

 **Chapter 12:** The Lesser Known Talents of Rae Donna Mayar

With a gusty sigh, Rae took off her apron and hung it on the hook by the back door of the diner. "Finally, my baking hours are over!" she remarked with a smile.

"Really?" Dex asked flatly, eying his nearly dancing employee.

"Oh come on, Dex~! How long are you going to keep me chained to the ovens? Besides, it's four o'clock and the cookie trays are loaded. Face it, I'm off baking duty," Rae said, taking her utility belt off the hook and tugging on her gloves. Dex rolled his eyes.

"I don't really need a bouncer until seven, Rae," he said. She grinned at him.

"Then I guess I'm on a three-hour break!" she said far too cheerfully. Dex chuckled and waved her off. Taking her chance, Rae dashed out the door, hailed a cab, and headed to the temple. "Please let Obi and Anakin be here~!" Rae chanted under her breath as she let her Intuition guide her through the Temple. It was really the only place she felt comfortable following her Intuition completely and often times she used her visits to the Temple to 'train' with said Intuition.

"Master Mayar! I did not know you would be here today!" a youngling remarked as she opened the door to their training room on a random hunch(really is was more a 'hey! Go here!' push from The Force.). Rae blinked, looked around, then began to laugh.

"I didn't know I was going to be here!" she said, already walking among them. "Still, I'm glad my Intuition lead me here. I've always loved children and teaching." Yoda chuckled.

"Mysterious, the Force is. Good reason for sending you, it has," he said. Rae chuckled and sat at the back.

"Carry on, Master Troll!" she cheered, saluting with an outstretched fist and a cheeky grin. Yoda shook his head and continued his lesson on the history of the Jedi. Rae found it truly fascinating... but something was tugging at her. "Excuse me, Master Yoda, but _why_ was the Order formed?" she asked.

"To offer sanctuary to the lost and to preserve knowledge while teaching others to harness the Force," Master Alarius, a Jedi that Rae had a lot of fun messing with due to his uncanny resemblance to a Hyuuga from the Naruto franchise(appearance _and_ personality-wise! She had felt as though Christmas had come early when she found out.) said as he breezed into the room. Rae grinned up at him from her position on the floor.

"Well now, isn't that fabulous?" she asked. "I always knew you guys were kung fu wizards, but that just makes so much sense!" Alarius' brow furrowed slightly as the corners of his mouth dipped while Yoda chuckled. For some reason that only Obi-Wan seemed to know, Yoda found Rae funny and the two got along famously. There was much debate on whether or not the friendship of the (Troll)Master and the (snarky)Bouncer was a good thing or not. (Obi-Wan was also torn but found himself often leaning towards the 'not' camp... and then the two would pull a trick or deliver a zinger and he had to hold back his amusement.)

"I sense you are mocking me, Mayar. Why?" Alarius asked.

"Because my Intuition says there is more to the story," Rae said, suddenly stone-faced serious. "It was more than just sanctuary and preservation of knowledge that brought about the Jedi Order. There is far too much Bushido in your Code of Conduct, not to mention the whole 'Knight' motif. No, I think it started with a warrior who could feel the Force." Yoda's eyebrows were raising now.

"The First Sith, you speak of," he remarked. Rae shrugged.

 **1.) Historian!**

"I'm not sure if this Warrior became a Sith or not, but I do believe the actions of the... let's call it the Force Warrior, shall we? It makes sense that the actions of the Force Warrior, whatever they may have been, showed the need for discipline and rules of conduct for those who could utilize the Force in battle. Perhaps the Force Warrior went too far and, in his anger and pain, drew on the Dark Side of the Force. Then, when his enemies were dead or dying around him and their blood soaked the ground, the revulsion on the faces of his allies brought him back. Perhaps, what he had been driven to do by the whispers of the Dark Side horrified the Force Warrior and drove him to put aside his weapon until he had regained control of himself," she said, warming to her theory. The Force sang beneath her skin, whispering in her mind _yes yes_ and she sighed.

"Sigh, why do you?" Yoda asked, thoroughly engrossed in the tale the young woman wove.

"My Intuition is telling me I'm correct," Rae revealed.

"Interesting, this is," Yoda hummed, eyes lighting up with curiosity. "For you, a project this is. Present it to the council, when done will you?" he requested. Rae hummed, tapping her chin in thought, then smiled gently at the old Jedi Master.

"It'll be fun!" she said as she stood.

/*/

 **2.) Comforter!**

/*/

It had been a long night and Rae Did Not Need This. "Obi-Wan... why is there a whimpering Padawan on my couch?" she asked, feeling a twitch developing in her left brow.

"He... he had a..." Obi-Wan shook his head with a sigh. "Honestly I don't know what set him off, all I know is that I can't calm him back down." Rae sighed and shrugged out of her jacket, which was going to need a good wash with something resembling Downy to get the smell of sweat and beer out of it, before turning to the Jedi Master.

"I'm taking a shower, you cook us something for dinner, and when I'm done I'll deal with Anakin's trauma," she said. Obi-Wan breathed a sigh of relief and gave her a chaste kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you!" he breathed with the air of a prayer. Rae chuckled as she made her way to the shower.

"Crazy Jedi," she muttered fondly.

/*/

Five minutes later, Rae walked into the living room to be greeted momentarily by Obi-Wan with a cup of hot tea. "I uh... I remembered you liked this blend after a hard day," he said, something that might have been a hint of a blush on his cheeks, before returning to the kitchen. Rae felt a warm glow in the pit of her stomach, smiling after the man.

"Thank you, Obi-Wan! I assume you gave some to Anakin as well?" she called.

"But of course!" Obi-Wan replied. Chuckling again, Rae sank onto the couch beside Anakin. She took a long sip of her tea and savored the sweet, warm, vaguely citrus flavor of a good cup of Earl Grey before letting out a pleased sigh.

"Nothing quite like a good cuppa, eh?" she said, turning kind eyes on Anakin. The boy seemed calmer now, but his eyes were still wide. Rae frowned. "Come on now, Junger, tell me what troubles you."

"It was an undercover mission. Sensei sent me to mingle with the local youth. They asked me if I had a girl and I said no." He shivered violently then and Rae let out a soft sigh.

"Oh, kleine blaue augen, they were merely being kindisch und kleinlich. Children can be mean, teens can be cruel, but remember these immortal words; 'No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.' Besides, those kids don't know you, so who are they to judge? And I know I've taught you enough in the past four years that you could take any of them, even without your fancy lightsaber," she said, tugging him close to her. Anakin let out a shuddering breath and relaxed against her.

"Thank you, Tante," he breathed. Rae chuckled and looked up to see a relieved Obi-Wan standing in the doorway to the kitchen with two bowls in his hands and a third floating beside his head.

"That will never get old," she said with a smirk, eyes twinkling with glee. Anakin turned to see his almost sheepish looking sensei who was using the Force to levitate the third bowl.

"And you told me not to use the Force for my own gain," he teased, the negative emotions that had plagued him before lightening. Obi-Wan shrugged.

"What can I say, Rae makes me lax," he said, causing Rae to laugh.

"And I say, 'go me!'" she retorted, taking a bowl from the Jedi while Anakin grabbed the remote with the Force and turned on Rae's holo. The three fell asleep watching a holovid, all tangled together on the couch.

/*/

 **3.)Singer!**

/*/

With the Jedi out of her house the next morning, Rae heaved a sigh and called Dex. "Hey, boss," she greeted tiredly.

"You sound worn out, Rae. What's up?" Dex replied. She sighed again and rubbed a hand through her slightly knotted hair.

"Well, last night was... last night," she began. Dex let out a small hiss and Rae could picture him wincing. "Then when I got home I had to comfort Anakin after an undercover mission with some mean kids and sundry other unpleasantness. At least Obi-Wan made us dinner. Still, the three of us didn't fall asleep until about three and the Jedi just left. I'm feeling a bit... stretched. How're my hours looking, boss?"

"Ah, you haven't taken a day off in... three weeks?" Rae could hear the confusion in Dex's voice and smiled faintly.

"Yeah, sounds about right. Think I was trying to make sure I'd be good to take a day if Padme dropped in and needed some 'girl time.' You know politicos have to take that time when they get it and Padme's schedule is less flexible than mine so... yeah. Anyway, can I take today? At least the morning?" she asked. Dex sighed.

"Take the day, Rae. I think I can handle the night crowd myself for one night," he told her. She smiled tiredly.

"You're the greatest! See you tomorrow morning, boss," she told him.

"Yeah yeah, just take care of yourself, girlie," Dex countered.

"Back at 'cha, big guy," Rae finished with a smirk before the connection closed and she fell back on her couch with a sigh of relief. "Someone told me long ago/there's a calm before the storm/I know; it' been comin' for some time./When it's over, so they say/It'll rain a sunny day/I know; shinin' down like water~," she sang, then pulled out her Ipad to pull up the song by J. C. Fogerty(the lyrics were what had drawn her first, but that name... it still made her chuckle) and found a lyric video on youtube. "I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?/I want to know, have you ever seen the rain/comin' down on a sunny day?" she sang as it came around, managing to match the notes(if not the key) almost perfectly. "Yesterday, and day's before,/sun is cold and rain is hard/ I know; been that way for all my time./'Till forever, on it goes/through the circle, fast and slow,/I know; it can't stop, I wonder." Rae carried the Ipad into the kitchen and continued to sing as she fixed herself a cup of tea. "I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?/I want to know, have you ever seen the rain/comin' down on a sunny day?" she took a sip, nodding to the 'yeah!' that blared from the speakers of her Ipad. "I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?/I want to know, have you ever seen the rain/comin' down on a sunny day?" the video and bouncer finished together. Rae sighed happily and settled down to enjoy some down time with her tea and a good cooking show.

/*/

 **4.) Entertainer!**

/*/

The next week was Padme's birthday and the Jedi Duo was once again in Rae's apartment with said politician. "This has got to be the smallest, least formal, birthday celebration I've ever had," Padme remarked. Rae chuckled as she brought out the cake.

"Well, as you know, I have a _thing_ about politicians. No way was I _celebrating_ in the vipers' den," she said, setting the simple double layer chocolate cake on the table. "Now, who would like to cut?" Anakin stood and gave a mock bow to the room.

"If you'd be so kind," he said, holding out a hand for the knife. Rae grinned and flipped it into the air, catching the blade between two fingers and offering the handle to the thirteen-year-old. Anakin smiled and cut the cake, Obi-Wan coming around to plate it(if anyone noticed him use the Force to catch crumbs they didn't mention it), with Rae dishing out the ice cream for any who wanted it.

"You didn't have to buy a whole tub of ice cream for this, Rae," Padme said, noticing it was a full sized container. Rae laughed and shook her head.

"You'll notice, my dear Padme, that this is _my_ favorite flavor of ice cream. The fact that I bought it just before your birthday is just the... icing on the cake?" she said, unable to hold back the terrible joke. Of course, it fulfilled its purpose and got everyone laughing at her and really, that was all Rae really wanted.

/?/

A/N: If you can think of any other talents that weren't shown previously or that you think should be expressed more, let me know. As of now her list of talents include but are not limited to:

1.) Historian

2.) Comforter

3.) Singer

4.) Entertainer

5.) Baker

6.) Martial Artist

7.) Swoop Racer

8.) Teacher

9.) Strategist

10.) Troll


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

 **Chapter 13:** How Rae got Her Own Ship

It had taken a _long_ year and a half but finally, _finally_ , Rae had her own ship's license. She'd gotten her speeder license after the first two months but actual, space worthy, ships were a good deal more complex than a planet bound speeder. Now she just had to get a ship and she could take a trip out to Kamino and take care of the clones. She wouldn't cancel the order for an army, having decided that the war, as horribly devastating it was, needed to happen. Still, that didn't mean she couldn't _alter_ a few _key_ factors. The Purge, for one thing, was something she felt did _not_ need to happen. As the Force hadn't sent her dreams of a terrible future once she'd made her decision, she felt fairly confident in her choice. Still, that left the problem of actually _buying_ a ship. "I don't get paid enough for this!" she wailed, dramatically throwing herself onto her couch and hanging halfway over one arm of the third hand piece of furniture. Obi-Wan, who was in the kitchen, laughed at her upside down pout.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Rae," he said, giving her a smile.

"Mou~!" she moaned, pushing herself further over the arm of her beat up couch. "I'm trying to stave off a major tragedy and you're laughing at me~! Not cool, Obi~!" the woman whined. The Jedi resolutely _did not_ pay attention to her. "Come on, I'm trying to help you. Least you can do is help me!"

"Where would you even keep a space ship?" Obi-Wan asked, still focused on the snack he was making. Rae sighed gustily and pulled her torso back up to give him a proper glare. It would have worked... if she wasn't still dramatically sprawled on the couch.

"If I got a small one, like one of your fighters, I could park it in the hanger downstairs," she said. "Right beside my speeder."

"Fighters are regulated, Rae," Obi-Wan reminded her. "You'd have to get a cargo ship." Rae pouted at him once more.

"But I don't want to be a galactic trucker!" she whined. "I'm _fine_ being a bouncer/baker and any flying I'd do would just be me and maybe one other person." Obi-Wan shook his head.

"Fighters are required to be registered and even then, only law enforcement and the military are allowed. I can't help you," he said. Rae pouted at the Jedi.

"Mou~! Can't you at least _pretend_ to help me?" she asked.

"What do you want me to do, Rae?" Obi-Wan pleaded.

"I don't know! Give me a hint as to where to find a cheap shipyard!" she shot back.

"I've got a mission near a junk yard."

"Take me with you!"

/*/

"Why did you bring me with you?!" Rae wailed, flailing her shock sticks left and right, hitting _something_ more often than _nothing_. She still couldn't tell you what 'something' was though, which irritated her a bit. A trained fighter should be able to land accurate hits! Granted she was only about half trained but still!

"Stop complaining about a mess you _signed up for_ and help us get out of here!" Obi-Wan called back. Rae growled and kicked a rat like creature in the head, sending it flying at least five feet.

"You neglected to mention the _giant mutant_ _ **rats!**_ " Rae countered, already moving on to the next target.

"Hey! No-one told us about them either!" Anakin piped up.

"SO NOT MY POINT!" Rae bellowed, driving both shock sticks into the largest of the rat creatures she'd seen. As the current unloaded into its body, the creature gave a blood-curdling squeal and its muscles twitched wildly. Obi-Wan's green blade swiftly put an end to the wretched sound.

"Did you have to torment the poor thing?" he asked.

"Well forgive me if my weapons are _non_ - _lethal!_ " Rae answered, her words a little more forceful than necessary as she punched a _flying_ rat monster away from her friend.

"Thanks," Obi-Wan said, dispatching his thirty-third creature.

"No problem," Rae grunted, facing down four at once.

"Hey, uh, Sensei? Not to sound pushy or anything but... maybe we should get out of here?" Anakin asked, eying the remaining horde warily.

"Kid's got a point, oh great Kenobi-san!" Rae agreed. "Sure would be great to have an exit strategy!"

"There's a ship, over there," Obi-Wan said, pointing to the west side of the battlefield.

"Great!" Rae cheered, stowing her shock sticks and pulling out her trusty blaster. "Get ready to book it, boys! Things are about to get hairy!"

"That was terrible," Anakin called out, somehow managing to make it deadpan. If she hadn't been playing Shoot-a-Rat, Rae might have been impressed. As it was...

"JUST LEG IT WOULD YA?!" she bellowed, blasting rats at a good clip, trusting Obi-Wan to watch her back. Anakin, sensing a butt whooping in his near future if he didn't, ran for the widening gap and the ship. "Let's go, Obi," Rae grunted, taking a few steps forward and mentally growling angry sounding words when her accuracy dipped with the motion. Wordlessly, Obi-Wan put his back against hers and pushed her forward, cutting down rats that dared come near. It was a grueling minute, but the Jedi pair and the bouncer-in-training made it to the ship.

"This thing looks like a piece of junk... but I think it might be air worthy," Anakin said, examining the wreck.

"Just get it started, Boy Wonder," Rae growled, still blasting at the rats. "I don't care if it's just a paperclip, a piece of gum and a prayer, we need to get out of here _now_ and that thing's our best bet."

"On it, on it," Anakin muttered, hands already flying over the rusted metal, trying to make the poor ship start. A few tense minutes later and the old ship rose from the surrounding junk with a roar of challenge.

"Get in!" Rae bellowed over the deep thrum of the engine. Despite their misgivings, both Jedi clambered in. Giving the rats a deathly glare and a few more blaster bolts for good measure, Rae finally heaved herself into the drivers seat and gunned it.

"YAH!" Obi-Wan shouted in surprise, hastily grabbing hold of the battered chair in front of him. The ship, as luck would have it, was an old two person fighter. Anakin was in the co-pilot cum gunner's seat. This, of course, left Obi-Wan out on a wing.

"I know you don't like 'em but take my blaster!" Rae called to the Jedi Knight, tossing him the gun. "Shoot like you've never shot before!"

"I just want to let you know, I am _not_ claiming responsibility for this mess!" Obi-Wan yelled as he picked off rats while their ship flew by at speeds far greater than Obi-Wan was comfortable with.

"Duly noted!" Rae shot back.

"Now this is crazy!" Anakin added before the ships guns began firing on the swarming rats down below. "Crazier than Rae on a swoop, crazy!"

"Thanks for the weapons, Hotshot!" Rae called. "Now hold on tight! I'mma shake these pests!"

"Wait... RaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAEEEEE!" Obi-Wan attempted to protest before Rae floored it, the nose of their battered craft pointed directly at a solid wall. At the last second, she pulled back on the yoke and flew up the wall. With a wet _crunch_ the wave of mutated rat creatures broke upon the bricks while Rae laughed with wild abandon, adrenaline pumped through her.

"WHOO! What a rush!" she exclaimed. "Let's _never_ do that again!"

"Seconded," Obi-Wan moaned, hunkered as close to the pockmarked metal as he could get. Anakin poked his fingers where they were practically embedded into the partially decomposed backing of his seat.

"I think you broke him," the ten and a half year old remarked. A broken, keening laugh eeked its way out of the shaken Jedi Knight.

"Let's get him back on solid ground, yeah?" Rae suggested. "Then we can work on prying him off the frame."

/*/

It took an inordinate amount of time to pry the semi-hysterical Obi-Wan off the junker, Rae abandoning the task to Anakin when she noticed the official looking people headed their way. "So! This was totally my fault so please don't bother the Jedi," she said, cutting them off.

"Miss, we know what happened. There are cameras everywhere around here," one said with a faint smirk. "You'd be surprised by how many people try to steal from this junkyard and need to get rescued." Rae's eyes narrowed and her hands twitched dangerously toward her shock sticks.

"Then where was _our_ rescue, _eee~hh?!_ " she growled, body unconsciously sinking into an offensive stance.

"We figured a pair of Jedi would be more than enough," a second man said evenly, not reacting at all when Rae turned her glare on him.

"Is that so?" she asked pleasantly. Anakin and Obi-Wan, who had finally been removed from the old fighter, winced and shuffled back a step or ten. The officials didn't seem to understand the danger they were in.

"Yes," they said as one. Rae's expression suddenly relaxed and her demeanor turned almost friendly.

Anakin and Obi-Wan hunkered behind the ship and covered their heads.

"Well then, I guess your complete lack of action had nothing to do with the fact that you all had bets on how long it would take before I started begging Obi-Wan to save me," she said sweetly. "Or that you, _Antonio_ , were actually watching the Freeball game between your hometown and Naboo's Lake District team." Now the officials were starting to get uncomfortable, a few disapproving looks being shot Antonio's way. "Now now boys~!" Rae sang, sashaying up to them with a sweet*fakefake _fake!_ * smile. "I haven't forgotten the rest of you~!"

"May the Force have mercy on them," Obi-Wan breathed. Anakin nodded in wide-eyed agreement.

"How... how do you... ?"

"Ah ah ah~!" Rae sang, waving a finger mockingly at them with a _deadly_ smile. "I'm not finished~! There's still the little bit about Franko over there daydreaming about tossing someone named Painko into the Junkyard and watching him fight to the death. Oh~! And Angelica? She's planning to run away to San Velinzo. I hear it's a hotspot for swoop racers. And your pharmacy?" she said, pointing to the only one in the group who hadn't been named, "They're cutting some of your meds with sugar. Might want to get that checked out man. Stuff like that could mess you up big time. Of course, I haven't even touched on the _real_ juicy stuff yet. Like when you, Franko, use the work computers to play Jedi Knights. Or when Antonio dances to Zanky Beamer during his watch shifts. Seriously dude? I've heard some of Its music and it is an _affront_ to the music industry. You need help. I know a good therapist, want me to set you up? She's really nice."

"Enough enough!" Antonio shouted, his face bright red. "What do you want?!" Rae grinned.

"The junker I used to get us out of that Dungeon and all the paperwork needed for me to legally own it," she declared. "Shouldn't be too hard... should it?" The men whimpered and fled back to their offices. Rae humphed, pleased with her self, before turning to her boys. "You can come out now, no collateral damage!" With matching sighs of relief, Obi-Wan and Anakin made their way back around the beat-up fighter.

"And the fact that you get a completely legal fighter is just, what, bonus?" Obi-Wan asked. Rae laughed evilly.

"Completely, Obi-Wan," she said, then turned a terrifying glare toward the junk yard. "And I'm getting major 'bad juju' vibes off that Dungeon. Something's fishy about all this."

"And what are you going to do about it?" Anakin asked.

"Well, I'm going to meditate on what, exactly, is causing the problem and then I'm going to find a way to _blow it to kingdom come_. That should take care of that, yeah?" Obi-Wan had nothing to say to that and Anakin was already making a list of repairs Rae's new fighter ship would need. He was eleven, not stupid.

/*/

Jazz took one look at his former student laid out under a truly unfortunate looking hunk of rusted metal with a little boy telling her what to do and turned on his heel. "I'm too sober for this," he muttered. Obi-Wan chuckled wryly at the man, holding out a mug.

"It may not be liquor, but it helps," he said. Jazz took the mug and a cautious sip... before draining the whole mug when the boy started telling Rae off.

"This happen often?" Jazz asked. Obi-Wan scoffed.

"Heck no," he said. "There's usually weapons involved."

"The boy teaches her...?"

"Oh no," Obi-Wan corrected. "Rae's usually the one to reprimand the boy for being an idiot while correcting his form with strikes from her shock sticks."

"And you let her?" Jazz asked, looking at the composed Jedi beside him.

"If I didn't, I'd be a hypocrite," Obi-Wan admitted, taking a sip of his own drink. "She finds a certain pleasure in defeating me unarmed then picking apart the whole fight in excruciating detail." Jazz would have gagged had he been drinking.

"She _beats_ you?" he asked. Obi-Wan nodded solemnly.

"And then I beat her with training sabers. It all evens out in the end," he said seriously. Jazz just stared at him.

"You're insane. All of you. Absolutely _barking_."

"Woof~! Woof~!" Rae sang cheekily from the hanger. Obi-Wan's genuine laughter followed Jazz as the man beat a hasty retreat.

/?/

A/N: Jazz is So Done, Obi-Wan Hates Flying, and Rae is... Rae.

Dude... it took _so long_ to write this! Like... an entire _two days!_ … Okay, so it's not _that_ long but still! I hope you enjoy this one-shot.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

 **Chapter 14:** Don't you Wanna Ninja?

There are some things you only realize at three am. Some things that hit you with all the force of a rancor in the wee hours of the morning. "Ninja wire is awesome!" Rae yelped, jolting upright in her bed before yawning and flopping back down and falling asleep. The rest of the night, her dreams were filled with wire tricks and one too-detailed vision of her yanking Padme away from an exploding ship with wire.

/*/

Rae's mind was still full of ninjas and wire and wire wielding ninjas in the morning. It was getting rather distracting, to be honest. "FINE! I'll find myself some _friggin'_ _ninja wire_!" she finally snapped.

The swirling thoughts of ninjas and wire died down.

"Are you... ?"

"Just fine, Dex. Your burger's about to start burning."

/*/

Eric J'ones hadn't expected to see the strange human girl again so soon. "Ah, welcome back. What can I do for you today, miss?" he asked with a cordial smile.

"Odd request, I know, but... do you by any chance carry wire?" the young woman asked.

"I think I have just the thing," Eric said, retreating to his storeroom. A great deal of shuffling and searching later, he emerged with two spools of high tensile wire and a wrist-mounted launcher for it. As soon as the girl's eyes landed on the items she winced and her hand was pulling out her wallet.

"Yep. That's it. How much?" she asked.

"For the lot? Hundred and twenty credits." She stared at him, open-mouthed.

"You're joking," she breathed, obviously shocked by her good fortune.

"Nope~! I make a decent profit without jacking my prices up. Two spools of wire and the launcher, a hundred and twenty credits," Eric told her.

"SOLD!" she cheered, slamming the credits on the counter and swiping the items off the counter. "I may be stopping by intermittently to buy more wire. Who knows how fast I'm going to go through this," she said as she walked out. Eric could have sworn she muttered something about pushy Forces and ninjas as the door swooshed shut. He shook his head and ordered more wire. Sooner or later, that woman _would_ be back for more.

/?/

A/N: Okay. Not as amusing as I wanted but... eh. She needed a push to get that wire.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

A/N: This is about a year and eight months after the Naboo Crisis.

 **Chapter 15:** The Baguetteing of Windu

In the dinning room of the Jedi Temple, an interesting scene was unfolding. Rae had finished schooling a Master Padawan pair and retreated from 'her' training hall to grab a bite to eat when Windu accosted her with a grievance. "Wait wait wait... what?" Rae asked, giving Windu a completely befuddled look.

"You can't keep dominating our training rooms," he said, sipping at his tea and appearing completely unfazed. Rae blinked.

"I... dominate... your training rooms?" she asked.

"Yes," Windu answered firmly, giving her a gimlet eye. Yoda Force lifted himself to the top of a sturdy pillar to watch the unfolding drama.

"Interesting, this will be," he mused. Rae took a deep breath and held it for the count of ten.

"Master Cue Ball, with all _due_ respect, I'm a _night guard_ for a mid-level diner. I am not a world class fighter... like most of your Masters are reported to be," she said, eyes narrowing slightly at Master Windu. Bristling slightly, Windu glared right back.

"I don't think you realize that we are _peacekeepers_ ," he said, a step above growling. Rae laughed derisively, a mildly mocking light in her eyes.

"Oh, I know you're _peacekeepers_ , Oh great Malted One," she said. "But ya know, you lot are more Sholin warrior monks than Buddhist pacifists. I mean, laser swords! Come on! Besides, some of those places you're called into _require_ force, not just Force. And why do you think everyone is wary of fighting you lot? Because the Jedi are regarded as some of the best fighters in the galaxy, heck, known space! So if _I'm_ dominating the training rooms, you lot need to step up because guess what! I'm only a little above average when it comes to fighters in Republic Space." Windu bristled.

"Who do you..."

"Think I am? I think I'm a waiter, a baker, and a bouncer for a local diner who is cursed to know things she shouldn't. I'm a girl who has been rudely pulled from my home and shoved into a galaxy in turmoil. I'm Rae Donna Mayar and am here to help you lot," Rae answered with narrowed eyes and shaking fists. Yoda was just glad she hadn't raised them yet. He was under no illusions who would win that fight.

"We don't need help," Windu said flatly. Rae laughed, throwing her head back, but there was no amusement in the sound. It was cold and harsh and mocking, as though Rae had never heard something so ridiculously false in her life.

"Oh! What arrogance! And you honestly don't see why I'm worried for the Order?" she asked cuttingly, blue-green eyes nearly flashing while her lips twisted in challenge.

"You know nothing..." Windu began but before he could get any farther Rae growled and grabbed two baguettes from the sideboard and threw one at Windu before jumping at the mildly distracted Jedi. Immediately, she began beating on the man with all the skill Obi-Wan had given her and utilizing her Force Intuition to dodge the return strikes of Windu, who'd taken up the baguette Rae had thrown at him. Yoda was quite glad he'd moved himself onto the pillar as the two turned into a whirling dervish of limbs and three day old bread.

"I know nothing? _I_ know _nothing?!_ What do you think my Force Intuition is? What do you call my ability to navigate the Temple? I know _far_ and away _more_ than I should! I know what happens behind closed doors! I know what Palaptine's endgame is! I know why you have a purple lightsaber! I know where you came from as a youngling! I know who your Master was! I know _too much_ , Windu, not _nothing!_ " she screamed as she battered the respected Master Jedi. Yoda caught a flying piece of bread, he couldn't tell whose baguette it came from, and popped it in his mouth.

"Popcorn, I wish I had," he muttered. That was when Rae's baguette split in two and she began to wield the pieces like her shock sticks. Yoda noticed that the rough edges of the broken bread was beginning to draw blood and decided to alert the healers. "A mess, they are making," the wizened master muttered as he levitated himself above the snarling combatants.

/*/

Ten minutes later Rae's rage had not abated but she had agreed to let Windu go on Obi-Wan's urging. In fact, she helped Windu to the infirmary. "Just where does he get off saying tripe like that?" she asked some time later, leveling her bokken at Yoda, who had graciously agreed to spar with her.

"Master, he is," Yoda pointed out, rolling out of her way.

"Permission, you gave," Rae growled.

"Set in our ways, perhaps we are," Yoda allowed. Rae laughed hollowly and swung viciously at the Space Troll.

"Gee, ya think?!" she snarked. Yoda sighed before Force jumping to avoid a strike to the chest. "It's just..." Rae sighed and stopped. "My knowledge weighs heavily on my mind, especially within these walls," she told the old Master, refusing to look him in the eye. Yoda hummed.

"Troubled, it makes you. Tell me, you may," he said. She laughed wryly and put away her bokken.

"No, I don't think I may," she said as she walked away, her rage suddenly replaced with grave melancholy. Yoda hummed, troubled by her close lipped mien. She was hiding something, he knew it, he just didn't know what. And from her reaction... he wasn't so sure he wanted to know.

/*/

Once Yoda made it back to the infirmary to see Windu, he was shocked to see the healers still pulling pieces of stale bread from angry red wounds. "Wounded this bad you were, I did not think," Yoda declared.

"That woman is dangerous," Windu said, though it was difficult with his swollen jaw. Yoda thought the marvelously colorful bruise on it might extend all the way down to the bone.

"Skilled, she is," Yoda allowed. "Sparred her, I did." Windu perked up some at this. "Controlled even in anger, Rae is. Impressed, I was." Windu fell once more.

"It is not the Jedi way," he muttered.

"Perhaps not, but her way, it is," Yoda said. Windu scowled as best he could.

"Her way is..."

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you," Obi-Wan remarked as he strolled in. Keen eyes flicked over Windu's battered frame and the young Knight shook his head before turning to Yoda. "Rae's in a right snit, muttering about self-righteous Malt Balls, acrobatic Trolls, and cooks who should be hung with their own spaghetti for leaving food out. The first two I can mostly understand but the last..."

"Baguettes, surprising weapons they make," Yoda remarked. The healers froze.

"All this damage... was caused... by _baguettes?!_ " they asked, whirling around to face Yoda.

"Stale, they were," the Troll said.

"Ah," Obi-Wan stating in understanding. "That explains why Rae was so upset with our cooks. How old _were_ those baguettes?"

"Like steel, they were. How old, I cannot say," Yoda said, shaking his head. Honestly, he wasn't so sure they were _only_ three days old. Obi-Wan snickered as he walked away shaking his head.

"Stale baguettes... who knew?" he muttered.

/?/

A/N: Okay, it wasn't as funny as I wanted, but I gave it my best shot. Hope you like it! Also, I probably won't post another one of these before the holiday itself so... Merry Christmas everybody!


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